#also comic attempt older than the april comic

[sweetdonutsart]

new years 2023 🎉✨

yes i know it's almost the end of the year but i have to share Juniper in her new year's bunny suit before it's over and it not be out of place lol

[tending-the-hearth]

I lost u again 😭 I'm sorry

I'm here to talk about ur 🐢angst au if it's ok🥺

1) I was genuinely happy to see u including the bay bois into ur fic. Not a lot of ppl like them which is a shame cuz I think theyre great(I'm biased lmao I love all iterations)And I honestly can't wait to see the bay fam interact with everyone else.(Honestly the 2012 bois desperately need elder siblings or like a stable adult figure in their lives cuz YIKES they keep losing everyone 😭)

2)U mentioned B4 in a hypothetical scenario that the other alternates would freak when they realized the 2012 bois were constantly fighting kraang daily. Do u think it would happen again when they realize the extent of like what they had to go thru? Like aside from the comics, 2003 and 2012 r like basically getting beaten up in every way possible 😭 (the creators literally were like hmm 🤔 how should we torture them today? And got paid for it😭 like have u SEEN the stuff they go thru? My bois :(( )

The 2012 bois stepped out of isolation and practically turned into soldiers as soon as they went topside. Splinter taught them how to fight so they could defend themselves but then they had to do more than just defend. So much more :((

How do u think the other would react if they ever find out about this info?-🫘

HI MY LOVE YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK ABOUT THE ANGST AU

the bay boys are actually one of my absolute favorite iterations of the turtles. i think their characterization is done so well, i love the relationships they have with each other + splinter + april, and their fight scenes are some of the most engaging!!

I think the 2012 boys would, at first, be a little unsure about totally having to rely on older versions of themselves, because the only older sibling figures they have are Xever and Chris, so having a new group that is totally prepared to take them under their wings and take care of them so they don't have to take care of themselves? It would be very, very odd for them. And yeah, they'd also be hesitant to trust them just due to the amount of abandonment issues they've all got, but I do think that once they get past all that, they're absolutely inseparable from them, especially Raph and Leo and their bayverse counterparts!

OHHHHH i have so many thoughts about the absolute horror the other groups feel once they realize just how much fighting the 2012 boys have had to do.

you're so right, they've been fighting for years nonstop. With the Bayverse boys, they fought Shredder twice, never encountered the Kraang, and really only had run-ins with the Foot. The MM Boys are new to everything, and they've only ever fought Super Fly and a few others. The Rise boys are kind of the only ones who come close to how much the 2012 boys have fought, but even they've only fought the Kraang once, and Shredder isn't as much of a threat to them as he is to the 2012 turtles.

I have an idea in my mind of Donnie showing the others a video of all the brothers from a few years prior, like just something they made maybe a little bit after they started going topside, and Mikey starts laughing and says "I forgot how different you used to sound, Leo!"

and the other 2012 boys also start laughing, so ofc Blue asks "what, did you go through puberty or something?"

and Leo just shakes his head and says "We fought the Shredder, and I basically went into a coma for a month before waking up, and my voice changed since there was a shit ton of damage to my throat"

there is just the LOUDEST silence after he says that, and the others immediately start to talk over each other, attempting to make it sound less awful, but just doing a terrible job.

Raph: "It's no big deal, I got my brain switched with a Kraang, and I've honestly lost count of how many times I've been poisoned during fights"

Mikey: "I got trapped on the Kraang's home planet for a few months! That really messed with my sense of time, though"

Donnie: "I got disintegrated."

but it does not help at all, and the 2012 boys suddenly find themselves in the middle of a giant group hug, with the Splinters all holding their boys close, and the bayvers boys secretly making plans to make sure their little bros don't ever get hurt again, meanwhile the MM and Rise boys are wondering if it's possible to send anyone who has ever hurt their big bros into a black void.

(also the Raphs comparing fights and injuries and Red talking about how his shell was cracked during the fight with the Kraang when he was protecting Blue, and they all ask Raph how his shell was cracked, and he tells them it happened when he was a toddler and a Kraang robot attacked his sensei and his brothers and he fell out of the carrier and had the cart land on his back and the others just have to try SO hard not to start crying and bundling Raph in as many blankets as possible)

[kazeharuhime]

Thanks to @authoroflight for the original template! (Though I might have customized it beyond recognizability ksdjgnsd)

2023... I got a lot of art done this year compared to past years! Though the year started out slow, between trades and commissions, the first quarter of the year somehow managed to have at least one good drawing a month, even if March's old-sketch-paintover looks a little strange next to all the creatures. XD; May and June continued the theme of painting over old, though June's original was considerably newer than May's. It also took me forever to find it!! Several of the ones I'd been going to put for June turned out to be from different months (no date on them so was going by modified date at first, oops!). And in July of course there was the Clysmia comic, August with the Choco 'comic'. September was another low but I managed to churn out another paintover. October of course had my annual flower-drawing saga with the last one featured here, and in November I got bored and drew Comet, and December held a delightful surprise in the form of a book-illustrating commission. :3 Gonna keep that one to just a preview since it's part of something that'll be published.

But! Let's go through all the rest. Keep reading for more on the rest of the pieces.

January - This was a secret santa for my good friend @toothpaste-dragon of her OC Baz! Love this grumpy crust of an alien. :D You can view the full pic here.

February - This was a commission from @dreagonarchives of her guy Guido! Full pic: x

March - Paintover I did of my character Sleepi from Torn Apart! Since it was done over an older pic the style looks a little incongruent from my current style 😅 But this was also almost a year a go now, so, y'know.

April - My half of a design trade with @chrystallink! Doggos are a bit of a challenge for me, but it was a fun one! Full pic: x

May - A fittingly sunny pic of my character Nola. This was another one that I think had started from a paintover and just went places from there. Still a little strange-looking, but oh well. Plus a photo of some sunflowers in the background. XD

June: Progress pic of an absolute freak. An attempt was made to sketch out a hand to keep it from hiding, but I never did get back to this pic... 😂

July: As mentioned above, a comic for my good friend Dia featuring her gal Clysmia!

August: The tail end of a final ArtFight attack against Chocobir! I had so much fun putting in on the Easter eggs, and Choco is so cute!

September: The suave business lizard himself, it's Nell! Another one that's painted over an older sketch. Overall I think I improved the face shape a bit since the sketch? Maybe?

October: The final flower from Floratober 2023! I had a lot of fun and it was so great getting so much feedback this year. The wonders of posting on places other than Tumblr! lol.

November: Comet from Cosmic Baton Girl Comet-san! Whenever I need to get away and draw, Comet is there as my comfort anime. :) It's been a while since I've drawn the girl and watched the last bundle of episodes!

December: And of course, December's art! From a very fittingly snowy-themed project. :) I don't know yet how much I'll be able to talk about it, but it's certainly going to keep me busy for a while!

[nutzgunray-lvt]

An Attempt To Fly Under The Radar - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is here! Struggled a bit with writers block, but I found that I really love writing from All Might's POV. I also couldn't help but throw a Psych reference in there, as well as a small nod to All Might's canonical 5/5 intelligence rating. Let my man be smart!

Izuku loved his lunches with All Might.

It wasn't just because of the fact that the Symbol of Peace spent one day a week sharing a homemade bento box with him (him! He made Izuku homemade lunches!). In general, it was just nice to spend some time with him outside of training. Sometimes, they talked about One For All, but other times, they talked about anything and everything - from the book series 'Internity' that he'd gotten the older man into, to how his classes were going.

"Present Mic was telling me about how well you did on your last English exam!" The older man said as he held his cup of tea. "You didn't hear this from me, but you were among the only two of your classmates to get both of his extra credit questions right! Great job, Young Midoriya!"

The praise felt nice (it always would, especially from All Might), and he felt his cheeks redden as he shrugged and took a sip of his own tea. "I've been reading some really interesting books, and one of them actually had the second bonus question in it!"

"It better not have been 'Internity'," All Might teased, grinning at his protégé. "You know I'm one book behind, and if I find out that you went back on our agreement and read ahead -"

"No, not at all!" the teen frantically promised, waving his hands in front of him, unaware that he was reacting precisely how his mentor had wanted him to. "I've been reading other books, I swear! I've been reading the third volume of a comic book series called 'Captain Hero' and another book called 'A Treatise of Human Nature'! The second bonus question was from page forty three of 'A Treatise of Human Nature,' and the quote we had to pick the correct translation from was: 'Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them.' If you really think about it, that can be applied to the fundamentals of heroics, because a hero shouldn't only save people because that's what they're factually obligated to do, but rather because it's the right thing to do. It falls in line the four virtues as well, as justice is the main virtue a hero should have -"

"Man, no one is better at spouting word vomit than you, kid!" All Might cut in with a laugh. "You sure One For All didn't enhance your speaking ability along with your strength?"

Friendly ribbing aside, as Izuku sheepishly stopped his ramblings and looked up at his mentor, he noticed an unreadable expression on his face. It was the same one he had after he rescued both him and Bakugou from the Sludge Villain last April, and the same one as when he offered to train Izuku to receive One For All that same day.

It said that he saw something in him, something no one else had bothered to see up until now. Something he wanted to help nurture and develop.

"Sorry. I didn't notice I was mumbling again," he mumbled, staring at his lap. "Everyone's gotten onto me about it -"

All Might shook his head and waved him off. "Don't apologize, my prince of nonsense!" He still had that look on his face, and Izuku wasn't sure how he felt about it. "It sounds like it was a really interesting read for you, and it's great to see you so passionate about your studies! Why don't you let me borrow it sometime, and we can bounce some ideas off of each other?"

Izuku immediately nodded, an excited smile growing on his face as the bell rang, making it falter just a little. Realization that he'd have to get back to class and assume his mission of staying under the radar hit him hard, and he slowly set his tea cup on the table and got up, brushing off his pants. Was he stalling? Yes. Would it make him late? Probably. Did he care at the moment? No. He loved these moments with his mentor, and it was up to him to make sure to never take them for granted.

"Sure! It's in my backpack, so I'll lend it to you after training today."

All Might beamed at him, shooting him a thumbs up as he also stood and led them both to the door.

"Sounds like a plan, my boy!"

One Day Later

Toshinori was stupefied as he sat in the teacher's office and flipped through the book Young Midoriya had lent him. 'A Treatise of Human Nature' was an absolute behemoth to read through - 480 pages, with Present Mic's bonus question being on page forty three as stated - and it was littered with post-it notes containing annotations and fleeting thoughts digesting the text, annotations and fleeting thoughts that were surprisingly right on the nose.

This was easily a university level piece of literature, and his fifteen year old protégé had broken down the text to something he could understand and applied his own opinions to it, opinions that could easily be tied back to the original work. Clearly, the work had hit home for him… but this was a university level piece of literature. The green haired boy was a first year high schooler who wouldn't even be taking Philosophy until university if he chose to attend.

Clearly, Young Midoriya was smart.

After getting to know him and even after just meeting him, Toshinori figured out his intelligence pretty quickly; his analysis notebooks were proof enough. His point had only been reinforced by his grades once the school year started - fourth out of twenty in a curriculum as advanced as UA's Hero course was nothing to sneeze at. But yesterday during lunch, as he listened to Young Midoriya dissecting this book like he had read through it a million times (he hadn't - the spine wasn't worn down enough for that), he got an inkling that maybe his boy was even smarter than he initially believed.

But how -

"What do you got there, All Might?"

The Symbol of Peace jumped as he turned around to scowl at the sudden intrusion into his personal space. The source - Present Mic - cheekily grinned at him as he sat at his desk across from him, Aizawa following behind. Nearby, he could hear Midnight and Cementoss's voices approaching as well.

Well, the alone time was fun while it lasted.

"Dammit, Mic," Toshinori muttered, closing the book. "Do you really have to scare me like that?"

"It keeps you on your toes!" the younger man said with a shrug. "And besides, it's not my fault you make it extremely easy and fun for me to want to keep doing it!"

Trying to fight the fond smile growing on his face, he passed the book over to his colleague. Present Mic could certainly be a lot to handle at times, but Toshinori really liked him both as a colleague and a friend. The man just radiated good vibes and positivity, making it near impossible to stay annoyed at him for too long.

"To answer your question, I borrowed this book from Young Midoriya," he explained. "We were talking about his latest English exam, and he had some pretty interesting insights about that second bonus question you gave. It came from this book."

The younger blonde made grabby hands towards it, eagerly flipping through it when he got his hands on it. He had told the older man that he'd seen the inspiration for his bonus question in the paper, and he hadn't really expected anyone to get it right. He had been pleasantly surprised to see both Young Yaoyorozu and Young Midoriya get it correct and plainly said as much while they graded papers together. But as his eyes darted across the annotations written down, his usual easy-going grin slowly morphed into an expression of awe. He let out a low whistle as he closed the book and handed it back to him.

"Well then…" he said, clearly at a loss for words as Toshinori set the book to the side. "Wow… I mean… I had my suspicions about the little listener, but -"

"Wait, 'suspicions'?" The older man asked, maybe a tad too overprotective as he narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed, All Might?" Present Mic incredulously responded. "Midoriya's smart, like really smart."

Toshinori nodded slowly, not really sure of where the Voice Hero was going with this. "Yes, I have noticed Young Midoriya's intelligence -"

"No, I mean he's really really smart," Present Mic insisted, looking a little impatient that he was being so slow on the uptake. "He's like a little curly haired sponge when it comes to English grammar structure, and you should listen to the way he compares and contrasts it with Japanese grammar structure! Honestly, some of the insights he's told me about are things I saw when studying for the Praxis test!"

"Yeah, the kid's good at English. What's the big deal? Are you just happy to have a student who's actually interested in your class for once?" Aizawa asked, looking and sounding thoroughly unimpressed as he kept his eyes on his computer screen.

Ouch. That stung, and that comment wasn't even directed towards Toshinori.

He saw the split-second hurt flash across Present Mic's face before he immediately masked it and continued on.

Hmm, interesting.

"The big deal is that if he's this smart, why are his grades where they're at right now?"

At both men's confused glances, Present Mic clarified, "I'm not saying that being ranked fourth is bad or anything - it's great! But don't you think he could easily be ranked higher up if it weren't for his grades?"

The black haired man shrugged.

"Then he should study more," he bluntly said. "If he's as smart as you guys say he is, then his grades should reflect that. His Quirk control should reflect that. His decision making skills should reflect that."

The two blondes exchanged dark looks with one another, both silently deciding to ignore the third man from here on out. Their job was made easier by Midnight and Cementoss entering the room, taking their seats at their respective desks after greeting their scruffy colleague.

"Are you saying that Young Midoriya may be deliberately not performing to his full potential?" Toshinori asked, choosing to rephrase what he just heard in a much friendlier way.

Present Mic shrugged.

"Yeah, I mean what else could it be?" he bluntly asked. "I've heard him tutoring his other classmates in things that he'll get wrong on assignments - and it's not like he's telling them the wrong thing or anything. He's teaching them the right things, meaning he knows what he's talking about, but he doesn't apply that to his own schoolwork. If he did, his grades would be way higher, and it's not just me either! Did you hear about what happened yesterday in first period Math?"

The older man frowned and shook his head.

"Ectoplasm had them doing some Trigonometry, and he accidentally made a typo in the equation that he had them solve. He didn't notice it until he was already done writing it out, but he wanted to see if anyone caught it. It looked like Midoriya did, but the kid looked like he was being put in front of a firing squad. Like, he was terrified of pointing out the typo. What's even weirder is that when Ectoplasm checked up on him, he saw that he had the correct equation written down."

Toshinori frowned deeper.

"I'll admit that's strange, but you know how shy Young Midoriya is," Toshinori countered. "I'm not disagreeing with you on what you've seen and heard, but you know that boy avoids the spotlight like his life depends on it."

"Not when doing heroics," Present Mic countered back, leaning forward in his seat. "Not when placed in a life/death situation. You put him in a practical exercise, and his potential is just bursting out into the open. His deductive reasoning, leadership skills, and strategization is in a class of his own. In the classroom, however, he retreats into his shell. It's almost like he doesn't want anyone finding out about his academic potential."

The more he listened to his younger colleague, the more the older man couldn't avoid the realization that he was right. He'd always known that Young Midoriya was shy, but looking back, he saw that something wasn't quite right in regards to his protégé's intelligence versus his academic performance. Last year, Young Midoriya's grades had been pretty bad, putting him twenty seventh out of the thirty students in his class. Seeing both his schoolwork and his natural intelligence and drive, it made something in Toshinori not sit right, but with his boy being hesitant to elaborate on the matter, he let it go. He didn't want to push him into telling him anything he wasn't ready to divulge.

"Look, you knew him before UA, right?" Present Mic asked, not a hint of judgment in his voice. "Why don't you try asking him about it? He likes you, he'll listen to you."

"What about afterward?"

"We talk to the rest of his teachers, and depending on what we see and hear, we get that kiddo an IQ test."

[thevindicativevordan]

Why is Batman Beyond so popular?

Simple answer is that it was a popular cartoon millennials watched growing up as kids and that they have a lot of nostalgia for.

That doesn't give the concept enough credit for how it's endured in popularity however. 30 years after the series ended, Terry has still managed to stick around as a popular character. People were and are still hoping for a "Beyond Arkham" game, he's got a new comic series coming in April 2022, and he's had multiple comic series prior that have outlasted characters both older and newer than him. People love Batman Beyond, even people who didn't grow up watching the show when it aired on television.

Looking at Beyond it's a surprisingly natural evolution of the Batman concept. Batman has his roots in noir and the pulps. Cyberpunk as a genre simply gave a science fiction spin on the old noir genre, setting the stories in the future rather than in the past, and so Batman Beyond is an organic evolution of the Batman franchise. Cops are still crooks except now they work for megacorps instead of the mob, poverty and urban decay continue to oppress the lower classes and breed criminals, and the infection of madness in the city populace has only festered and spread. Batman outlived the worst of his Rogues, but he still couldn't purify Gotham of the chaos that rules it, which resulted in Gotham falling deeper into the pit once Bruce got too old to be Batman any longer. Due to being a major asshole Bruce didn't even have the comfort of his family to fall back on, having driven away the ones who would nominally be his successors. But Batman is an idea that has outgrown Bruce himself, so eventually someone comes along to take over the mantle and be the Batman that Neo-Gotham needs.

Central to Terry's appeal is that he's actually relatable in the way people pretend Bruce is. He's not a trust fund brat whose billionaire parents were inexplicably stupid enough to take a shortcut through an inner city alley, he wasn't raised by an ex-SAS British butler, he didn't travel the world and master hidden kung-fu techniques from martial art masters, he doesn't have a PhD level mastery of every science known to man while also being cultured in the arts, and his love interests are relatively down to Earth rather than having every hot woman within 10 miles throw themselves at his feet. He's an everyman figure, a kid from a rough home and a poor economic background who finds comfort in the Bat-symbol like so many real world kids do. Terry is every delusional Batman fanboy who looks at the bullshit Batman does and thinks "yeah I could do that", except Terry actually gets a chance to prove it.

Anonymous asked:

Any big thoughts on Batman Beyond? I think Terry might be the most successful attempt at creating a legacy character for Batman yet, outside of Dick!Bats.

Definitely agree that Terry is one of the best legacy characters. His background is different, his personality is different, Gotham is different, he has his own Rogues Gallery that aren't just "Beyond" versions of Batman Rogues, his love interests are different, and the way he approaches being Batman is different. Unlike other legacy heroes who get shilled pretty hard as being "just as valid" right off the bat, Bruce kicks off his relationship with Terry by telling him he sucks and almost letting him get beat to death after Terry steals the Bat suit. Only after a brutal training regime, and Terry rising to the challenge on multiple occasions, does Bruce begrudgingly admit that maybe, maybe this punk has what it takes to be his successor. The suit may enhance Terry's abilities, the gadgets might far outstrip the tech Bruce had access to in his prime, but what makes Batman Batman is a matter of willpower and drive. Only by showing that while he may not have the trauma Bruce does, Terry absolutely has the guts and compassion to go out night after night and confront the dregs of humanity to keep people safe, does Terry earn the right to say I AM Batman.

Funny that you should mention DickBats because when you get right down to it, DickBats and TerryBats are pretty damn similar. Both are Batmen but not in the way that Bruce is, with both being lighter incarnations. Both Dick and Terry aren't afraid to yell back at Bruce, both enjoy using snark and quips while wearing the cowl, both share the loss of parents with Bruce, but don't let it break them the way losing Thomas and Martha broke Bruce, and both are generally more compassionate and trusting than Bruce could be. What differentiates the two is that Dick didn't want to be Batman but felt an obligation to take up the role, while Terry did want the mantle. Both are the heir apparent to Bruce but have very different feelings about that being the case.

Morrison's idea of making Terry the successor of Damian in the mainline continuity is personally an idea that I love. Bruce has grown past the 90s Batasshole incarnation that DCAU Batman drew on, and I don't think the future of Beyond works for the mainline Bruce-Batman anymore. Damian however is still a blank slate future wise, and I could even feasibly see the Batman 666 future leading into the Beyond era. Plus you could explore the obvious parallel between Dick being Damian's Batman, and the similarities Damian can see between Dick and Terry. Damian having come full circle from being mentored by DickBats to himself having to mentor someone who is very similar to DickBats sounds like a very entertaining dynamic to me.

For a character born out of clueless execs forcing Timm & Dini to make a teen Batman show, Terry is a character that still to this day is brimming with potential as of yet unexplored. The various comics continuations of Terry have frequently fallen short of the show quality-wise, but I still believe Terry can find new life beyond the DCAU.

[kiragecko]

DC Sidekick Age References

Here’s a dump of all the references I’ve found. Know I’m missing a lot, and quite a few were found on other sites that didn’t give me the most precise info.

If you know of anything else, can correct a mistake you see, or want to discuss comic book aging - please send me an ask, message, or reblog!

?? - means I don’t know where the info is from, “quotes” are direct copies of the wording in the comic

-

?? Parents died when Bruce was 8

Detective Comics #27 (May 1939) – Batman introduced

Detective Comics #38 (Apr 1940)  – Dick is (8 when parents killed/9 when Robin) 12 when he becomes Robin, it's Bruce's 3rd year as Batman

More Fun Comics 73 (Nov 1941) – Green Arrow Introduced

1962 - JLA formed

1964 – Dick teams up with Wally and Garth

Teen Titans 1 (Jan-Feb 1966) – Teen Titans form, Donna is introduced (all 5 are 14ish?)

Detective 359 (Jan 1967) – Babs introduced, has PhD, has graduated

Batman #217 (Dec 1969) – Dick graduates high school, enrolls in University (starts 3 months later)

1971 - Roy discovered using drugs by Ollie and Hal in a drug den (he was trading arrows for drugs), retcon has Wally and Dick discovering him at tower and making him promise to get help

Justice League 116 (Mar-Apr 1975) Charley Parker is 16

Batman Family 10 (Mar-Apr 1977) – Dick is teenager, Babs is 25

Teen Titans 53 (Feb 1978) – Dick, Wally, Donna, Vic all started college at same time

DC Special Series: The Flash Spectacular (May 1978) – Wally graduates high school

New Teen Titans 1 (Nov 1980) – Raven forms New Titans, Gar is 16 during run

New Teen Titans 2 (Dec 1980) – Slade meets team, Grant dies

1981 - Dick drops out of university after 1 semester, he never really was interested

New Teen Titans 20 (June 1982) – Vic turns 19, Donna already is

Tales of the New Teen Titans 2 (July 1982) – Raven turned 18 just before forming Titans

Batman #357 (Mar 1983) – Jason’s first appearance

Detective Comics #526 (May 1983) – Bruce adopts Jason, Dick is there and approving

New Teen Titans 34 (Aug 1983) – Terra turns 16

Batman #368 (Feb 1984) – Dick gives Jason the Robin costume, Jason becomes Robin

Blue Devil(84) – Eddie is 11/12

Tales of the Teen Titans (May 1984) – Joey introduced, Author describes him as 17?

New Teen Titans #39 (Feb 1984) – Dick stops being Robin, Wally quits being a superhero/the team

Tales of the Teen Titans 50 (Feb 1985) – Terry and Donna's wedding (she got married while 19)

New Teen Titans 10 (July 1985) – Kole says she's at least 18

Crisis on Infinite Earths 7 (Oct 1985) – Supergirl dies in Superman’s arms after mostly destroying the Anti-Monitor, who has to flee reality

New Teen Titans 18 (Mar 1986) – Dick turns 20 (“Dick Grayson celebrates his birthday away from home with a traditional Tamaranean feast.” (While sulking because Kory got space-married))

New Teen Titans 20 (May 1986) – Roy locates baby Lian, Terry Long is 29

?? Roy is 22(when he gets Lian)

Batman #404 - Batman Year One (Feb 1987) – Bruce is 25, spent 12 years training, became Batman at 26, Barbara Gordon is pregnant, her and Jim move to Gotham

Detective Comics #571 (Feb 1987) – we see Bruce’s fear gas induced vision of Jason’s tombstone (birth: 1974 – death: 1986, so he’d be 12)

Secret Origins 13 (April 87) – 15 years ago, it was Dick’s 5th birthday. Soon after tenth birthday, parents are killed. [Set during New TT 18])

Batman #409 (July 1987) – Jason becomes Robin (In Detective Comics, Jason has been Robin the whole time, but is still being wwritten with Pre-Crisis personality)

Flash 1 (June 1987) – Wally turns 20

New Teen Titans Ann 3 (Nov 1987) – Danny Chase is 13 and introduced

Batman #416 (Feb 1988) – Dick in Gotham, meets the new Robin on patrol. Confronts Bruce later, says he was ‘fired’ less than a year ago (since then he was briefly in college), makes Bruce admit he missed him. Dick finds Jason again, expose the drug dealers, and Dick gives Jason his old costume (symbolically, since Jason already has one) and a phone number, Dick was Robin for 6 years

Batman #427 (Winter 1988) – Jason dies

Batman #436, Batman: Year Three (Aug 1989) – 2 years since Dick stopped being Bruce’s sidekick (When he became Nightwing? Or when he quit?), parents died 10 years earlier

Batman #441, A Lonely Place of Dying (Nov 1989) – Tim 13, was 7 when Dick’s parents died

Robin #1 (Jan 1991) – Tim debuts as Robin

New Titans 84 (March 1992) – Joey dies

Deathstroke, the Terminator #15 (Oct 1992) – Rose introduced

Team Titans 3 (Nov 1992) – Robert Long is born

Adventures of Superman 500 (June 1993) – Kon appears and escapes from Cadmus with Newboy Legion, John Henry Irons first appearance, Eradicator and Cyborg Superman also appear for first time

Batman: BTAS: Robin’s Reckoning (1993) - 'Richard 'Dick' Grayson: Age 10'

Detective Comics 668 (Nov 1993) – Tim gets license (because dad is disabled) even though he hasn’t turned 16 yet, gets beat up by Jean-Paul

Flash 92 (July 1994) – Bart aged to 14

?? Shortly after Knight’s End – Tim is 15 and in the 10th grade

Flash 0 (Oct 1994) – Wally is 23

Damage 1(94) – Grant is 16

Deathstroke, The Terminator Annual 4 (Aug 1995) – Rose is 14, “What would that do to a kid? A fourteen-year-old girl whose father is an assassin she’s never met?”

Wonder Woman 105(95) – Cassie is 14

Tempest 1(96) – Garth spends many months in other dimension

Aquaman 20 (May 1996) – Garth aged 3-4 years in other dimension, now older than other Titans

Teen Titans 1 (Oct 1996) – Argent, Risk, Joto, Prysm all turn 16(they were conceived by seed things on same day)

Superboy Annual 2 – to Kon: “Happy birthday, Kid - - number one in a long successful series, we hope.” “He will effectively remain sixteen years old - - forever!”

Green Lantern 82(97) – Robert Long is 3

Wonder Woman 121(97) – Terry and Robert die

Secret Origins Giant 1(98) – Bart is “Three. Fifteen. Depends.”, “you’re almost 15, Tim.”

Titans 5(99) – Donna is 23

Titans(99) – Lian is 4

Sins of Youth(99) – Kon 16, aging normally again

Aquaman 63 (Jan 2000) – Future Garth tells granddaughter Donna about Cerdian being born (think this is his weird birth issue)

Wonder Woman Secret Files (2002) – „Wonder Girl is a precocious outgoing 15-year-old named Cassandra „Cassie“ Sandsmark.“

Bruce Wayne: Murderer (2002) – Oracle says Tim is 15

Batgirl #37 (April 2003) – “Cain said ... today was ... my birthday.”

Batgirl #39 (June 2003) – “I see an eighteen-year-old girl, who’s out of her depth.” (Babs about Cass)

Robin #116 (Sept 2003) – Dana: “Oh, I’m so glad we’ll all be together on Thursday ... !” Tim: “Why? What’s Thursday?” Jack: “Yeah. What’s Thursday?” Dana: “Wait a minute – seriously? Tim: “Yeah. Tell. Us.” Dana: “It’s nothing – never mind. Just leave your schedules open for a nice family dinner.”| Jack: “Dana, what’s – “ Dana: “Shh! Thursday ...  the 19th of July ... ?” Jack: “Um ... oh! Right!” | Steph: “So – Thursday!! Are you excited? Got any ideas for it, yet? ... Tim ... ?” [Tim is asleep.] | [Ives and Steph come over, with pizza that says “Happy B-Day Tim.”] Ives: “Sixteen spankings – get that boy up!!” | Dana says: “I remember when I was in 11th grade.” | he also gets the first ‘clue’ for Bruce’s ‘birthday present.’

Teen Titans 1 (Nov 2003) – Gar is 19, Is this Joey’s return?? (He’s puppeting Slade)

Teen Titans ½ (2004) – Rose’s early years, with a ‘6 years ago’ flashback, she was raised in a brothel her mom ran, tutored, never allowed the outside world, but had relationships with kids her age

Detective Comics #790 (Mar 2004) – Jason’s 18th birthday “he would have been 18 today”

Teen Titans 8 (April 2004) – Raven looks 'barely older' than Cassie

TEEN TITANS #1/2 [2004]: The flashback panels totally sync up with my age theories; Flash to 10 years ago: Dick Grayson’s parents die. Flash to 6 years ago: Rose Wilson is schooled at home by her mother, Lili. Flash to 5 years ago: Ravager I is killed. Flash to 3 years ago: Slade is forced to kill Jericho. Flash to 2 years ago: Cadmus attempts to clone Superman. Flash to 18 months ago: Rose deals with the death of her mother. Flash to one week ago: Bart Allen is shot by Slade.

Identity Crisis 4 (Dec 2004) –(Tim still 16)

Green Arrow 47(05) – Mia is 17

Return of Donna Troy 3(05) – Cassie barely 16

Nightwing: Year One(05) – Dick is 26

Batgirl #65 (Aug 2005) – Cass decides to figure out if Shiva is her mom, Jason and Cass roughly the same age

Flash(05/06) – Wally is 26

?? Robin #136 – Tim still 16 ???

Detective Comics #868 (Oct 2010)– Kate is 32 years old??

One Year Later(Mar 06)

Flash 1(06) – Bart 4 years older(20?)

Blue Beetle 2 (June 2006) – Find out Jaime was in space/a pocket dimension for One Year Later

?? Just prior to 52 (July 2006-July 2007)– told Tim is 17 (long before he’s also  17 in Red Robin, 52 is 1 year long)

Teen Titans 42 (Feb 2007) – Eddie is 17

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds 3-4 (Apr-June 2009) – Bart and Kon back, same as when died

Batman 677 (July 2008) – Batman over 30

Batman: Battle for the Cowl (May-July 2009) – Damian is 10, Ends with Dick and Damian becoming Batman and Robin

Brave & The Bold 2 (May 2007) – Kara is 17, “You have food in the refrigerator older than her, Hal. Who are you, Ollie? No bad thoughts. She’s seventeen.”

Batgirl #1 (Oct 2009) – Steph starting college

Batgirl #7 (Apr 2010) - Damian is "what happens when you work with a 10-year-old."

Red Robin #12 (July 2010) – Tim spent “a few months” looking for evidence before returning to Gotham, becomes emancipated minor

Detective Comics #871 (Jan 2011)– Mention that Dick and Babs went to prom together

Red Robin #25 (Sept 2011) – Tim “and you are only 17”

The Batman Files (Oct 2014) – Jason was 15 at death (seen on death certificate)

?? Rebirth Young Justice series – Cassie: “didn’t mean to end up back in high school feeling - - like I did back when I went to high school.” Later, she says she’s in Metropolis “Working. Going to school in the fall.” So she’s probably starting college.

?? Bart in some Rebirth comic: “Am I six? Am I nineteen? That’s a really freaky thing, right?”

?? At some point: Donna says shes a little older than Kyle

[joachimnapoleon]

May I ask you the question on a rather delicate topic (which bothers me from time to time, when I stumble upon Murat’s mentions in Poniatowski’s biographies etc.)? It is often repeated that they resembled each other in some areas, like their love for parties, dances, horses and women...

So my question will be on that, latter topic.

We all know about Caroline, but what about other women in Joachim’s life? Did he have other significant “love interests”? Was Caroline the first woman he proposed to? Did he... cheat on her???

If you know anything on the topic could you please share it with us? ))) (Because I am very curious why did prince Murat earn such a reputation ;)

Thanks in advance!

Oooh this is going to be a fun one. :)

Murat did acquire quite a reputation for womanizing. Napoleon would say on Saint Helena that Murat "needed women like he needed food." On another occasion (and for some reason Napoleon returned to the subject of Murat's sex life on numerous occasions) he exclaimed "How many mistakes did Murat not commit in order to establish his headquarters in a chateau where there were women! He needed them every day, so I readily tolerated a general having a whore with him, in order to avoid this inconvenience." (From Gourgaud's diary, 3 April 1817.) Apparently Napoleon was quite fixated on this subject because Bertrand records similar remarks from him in an undated note assumed to be from some time in 1820: "Murat supposedly needed a woman each night, but every woman was good to him, and nothing stopped him, whether she had the pox or not." (Vol. 2 of Bertrand's Cahiers de Sainte-Hél��ne, pg 438) Which is likely a reference to one of Murat's more well-known mistresses, Madame Ruga, a lawyer's wife, whom he met (and possibly fell in love with) in Brescia.

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. We'll get back to Madame Ruga.

Murat's early life is very poorly documented. Some of his early biographers allude vaguely to him womanizing while he was still a student in the seminary, and even claim that he fought a duel over a young woman before abandoning the seminary to become a soldier. Take it all with a grain of salt. The first actual evidence of Murat having an attachment to a woman, lies in his letters referencing a young woman named Mion Bastide, from his hometown. It's hard to tell how deep his feelings for her ran; he repeatedly asks his older brother for news of her--and also what her "intentions" are, and if she is flirting with the young men of La Bastide while he is away on his military duties. Perhaps they had spoken of marriage at some point while he'd been home. Anyway, he eventually got tired of her not responding to him and moved on. While a captain in the chasseurs à cheval, he apparently had an affair with a woman named Eléonore; I haven't come across any details about this, but his attachment to her was strong enough that he kept a pocketwatch with "Joachim Murat, capitaine de chasseurs à cheval: Eléonore to Joachim - do not forget her" inscribed inside; he only relinquished this watch during the 1812 campaign, as a gift to a Cossack.

During the Italian campaign, Murat had affairs with two men's wives; the aforementioned Madame Ruga, and one Madame Ghirardi (more on her shortly). Madame Ruga is described in Desaix's notes as "young, pretty; wife of a lawyer; like all the Milanese, loving pleasures, having suffered from the venom"--"the venom" (le venin) being a tactful way of saying she'd had venereal disease, which she soon passed on to Murat. "Murat is ill," Napoleon writes to Josephine on 22 July 1796; "the goddess of the ball, Mme Ruga, properly gave him une galanterie," which is another lovely old-fashioned euphemism for giving someone VD. Napoleon continues that Murat "is furious; he wants to put his adventure in the gazettes." But in typical Murat fashion, his fury burned out quickly, and he seems to have been quite infatuated with Mme Ruga--he continued the affair, which is probably what spawned Napoleon's later disgusted recollection on Saint Helena. He even temporarily neglected his duties, until Napoleon sent him a mild reprimand, to which Murat replied with indignation. "I have never had any idea which could be the least disfavorable to you," Napoleon responded drily on 21 June 1797, "but I thought that you were more necessary to your division than to your mistress in Brescia." When Murat was sent back to Italy in 1800--months after marrying Caroline--there's a very good likelihood that he resumed his affair with Mme Ruga. At any rate, they maintained contact for some time; she delivered a letter to Eugène de Beauharnais for him in 1805.

Now on to Mme Ghirardi. Apparently he also met this woman, wife of a General Lechi, in Brescia. Eventually Napoleon sent Murat to Rastadt for peace negotiations at the end of the Italian campaign. According to an article in the January 1908 Revue Napoléonienne, this is what happened next:

But Murat's conquest does not intend to let him go. Desperate to hold him back, she follows him. The beauty flees from Brescia, crosses the Alps and falls into Strasbourg; when Murat returns from Rastadt to Paris, she settles there with him and stays in the same hotel, rue des Capucins-Neufs, number 20. The adventure here is complicated by a comic novel. The husband, worthy and notable citizen of Brescia, makes a lot of noise about his misadventure and instantly demands the lost object. He brings his complaint to Milan; he comes as far as Paris to address a mournful petition to the Directory. He begs Barras and his colleagues to set themselves up as defenders of outraged morality: "Put this young woman betrayed by a vile seducer on the path of righteousness and virtue, give a mother to an innocent child; it is an honest husband who asks for this act of justice. He will be able to publish it throughout the Cisalpine and to his fellow citizens who expect it from you." (...) A singular crossover facilitated the outcome. While the husband brought his action in Paris for restitution of wife, Murat, perhaps judging that the follies of youth should not be prolonged, adopted the part of bringing the fugitive back to Brescia and resuming his military career in Italy.

Napoleon writes to Berthier to inform him that Murat is coming back to Italy to return "this heroine of Brescia," take a vacation in Rome, and then rejoin the army. And that is the last we know of Mme Ghirardi and her affair with Murat.

The short answer to your question as to whether Murat cheated on Caroline is, unfortunately, yes.

And, not to make excuses for him, but it's hard to see it turning out otherwise given that Murat was pretty set in his ways by the time of his marriage. He had long since gotten into the habit of flitting from one woman to another, and he was in his early thirties when he finally married. On top of that, his military duties made it inevitable that he would spend long periods far away from Caroline--which he did--and I just don't think he had either the self-control or the interest in remaining faithful after awhile.

(I'm just going to excerpt this next part from a post I did on Murat's relationship with Caroline awhile back, since it fits in perfectly here.) 

They endured a long period of separation very early in their marriage–the first of many, adding up to several total years spent apart between 1800 and their final parting in May of 1815. Murat was sent to take command of a force in Italy in November 1800 while Caroline was pregnant with their first child; they did not see each other again until May of the following year. There are a couple of letters within Murat’s published correspondence that hint that, though he at first attempted to remain faithful to his wife during this interim, he may have given up on the endeavor prior to their reunion. The diplomat Charles Alquier, who befriended Murat in Italy, wrote to him in April 1801, lamenting not being able to spend a few days with him in Florence, teasing that he “would like to witness your gallant successes there and hear you talk about your marital fidelity, without believing it in the slightest.” The following month, after the arrival of Caroline, Alquier teases Murat again along these lines, in a postscript that reads “It was about time that Madame Murat arrived in Florence, or your hard-pressed fidelity was about to escape you.” He had almost certainly resumed his affair with Madame Ruga during this period.

There is a rather fascinating little affair that takes place early in 1806, in which Napoleon and Murat were having a simultaneous affair with a young woman named Éleonore Denuelle de la Plaigne, who was staying with the Murats at Neuilly at the time. Napoleon abruptly put an end to his affair with her when he discovered that she was also sleeping with Murat. Éleonore gave birth to a baby boy at the end of the year, and Napoleon believed the child was probably Murat's--up until he saw the boy in person prior to embarking for Saint Helena. What's particularly fascinating to me about this episode is the fact that Caroline pretty much arranged this affair for her brother--the Bonaparte siblings were so hell-bent on getting Napoleon to divorce Josephine by this point that some of them were acting like glorified pimps, hooking Napoleon up with girls left and right in hopes that he'd eventually produce a baby and prove that he wasn't to blame for the lack of an heir. But the timing of Murat, a man of proven fertility (he had four children by now), swooping in to plant a few seeds of his own at the same time that he undoubtedly knew Napoleon was bedding Éleonore just... let's just say I have theories about this. Suffice to say I think the Murats' sexual dynamic took some interesting twists and turns, and I'm fairly convinced that they each weaponized the other's sexuality on occasion--the Éleonore affair being the first example, and Caroline's affair with Metternich later on being another. This is totally, 100% my own personal theory and there's no way in hell to prove it either way, it's just my own reading of the situation given my current understanding of the personalities involved.

Anyway. The interesting thing about Murat's alleged affairs is that so few of his mistresses have been written of by name, the ones above being the exceptions. I've seen it written that he had a brief fling with the actress Mademoiselle Georges--who also allegedly had a short affair with Napoleon--but it's another one of those things that isn't well-sourced, at least from what I've found so far. As for his mistresses in Naples, I haven't come across the name of a single one. General Guglielmo Pépé only refers to them in the most general terms, remarking that King Joachim considered it dishonorable to refuse to grant a woman a favor "even were she not his mistress," and that he was especially susceptible to the "entreaties of the ladies about the Court". He also recounts Murat telling him once that "The Queen does not much like my giving audience to ladies," to which Pépé rejoined, "I pity the Queen if she notices the gallantries of Your Majesty." But I do find it extremely interesting that there seems to be absolutely no information whatsoever on any of Murat's alleged mistresses in Naples, which makes me wonder if his reputation in that area might be a bit exaggerated and if a lot of his so-called "gallantries" were simple flirtations. He never stopped being a massive flirt or enjoying having women's eyes on him. "He was very vain," Madame Fusil, an actress who met him in 1812, wrote of him, "and he liked women to watch out for him." 

I hope I didn't forget anything! And thanks for the ask! ^_^

[escxpiism]

( olivia holt, 23, she/her ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ALICE ADAMS. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE MASK if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re ADAPTABLE but JADED, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CATFISHED DAVID HASSELHOFF. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

hi y’all !! i’m may ( 21 // est // she/her ) and i am super super pumped to be here !! i’m also very much writing this against my better judgment ya girl’s running on four hours of sleep and has the option to sleep more but......... is not tired ?? so i do apologize if my mind is secretly tired and makes this intro,,,, even worse than it would be fahouedn. on with the show !! anyway anyway!! feel free to like this if u wld like 2 plot and i will hit u up!!

( also, for some vibes if you so choose to read, here’s the link to her playlist ! )

----------------------------------------------------

QUICK FACTS:

full name: alice audrey adams

date of birth: october 26th, 1997

*will not perfectly reflect the zodiac big three below because that’s.... math.

zodiac big three: scorpio sun, virgo moon, taurus rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

education: ged, bachelor’s degree in film — pratt institute

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: enfp

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

label: the mask

various inspirations: “nutshell” - alice in chains, “santa monica” - everclear, “polly” - nirvana, “jennifer’s body” - hole, “creep” - stone temple pilots, kate wallis ( cruel summer - shhhh ), heather davis ( crazy ex-girlfriend ), satana hellstrom ( marvel comics ), bojack horseman - without the amount of problematic ego ( bojack horseman ), eddie huang ( fresh off the boat ), the great britney spears evolution ( temporarily stopping at circus era )

BACKSTORY:

triggers in order: toxic family dynamic, grooming (nothing super in-depth), kidnapping (? like it was ‘willing’ but no. see next trigger for why), toxic “relationship” (and 11yr age gap w/ a 16y/o we hate it), straight-up captivity, very brief mention of suicide + heroin (very!)

*would like to quickly preface that this isn’t just Dark for the sake of being r/im14andthisisdeep but that’s for a later time **(also! i have markers for where the grooming + Super Dark parts begin and end! -- also, the Super Dark part is all very public knowledge. had articles. media frenzy. first thing that comes up if you google her name) *** also. if u need it then a tl;dr is below this section hfkldsa

alice audrey adams was born to the type of family that names all of their children alliterative names ( however, they sadly didn’t get their own kardashian-style show )... alexis adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... alfie allison adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... born to anna adams and allen adams... we hate it here.

as u can see... all of the kids were basically named after allen... they all had ‘al’ names.... extremely confusing 

plot-twist: THAT’S the darkest part

the adams were very concerned with public image. as a family in the upper echelon, they simply had to be! a narcissist father, a distant mother, put in competition with her siblings — there was no truly healthy dynamic in the household. but they looked good. they went to church every sunday, a ‘wwjd’ sticker on the back of her mother’s car. they did just enough activities and took just enough trips together to get the image across. they threw parties. they attended parties. they were the picture perfect american family — they even had two cats in the yard! life used to be so hard! 

of course, in reality, this all left ms alice quite the lonely gal. but don’t worry! she didn’t turn to hedonism! lord no! instead, she turned to other people. a lot of friendships — couldn’t tell if they were real or #fortheclout — but at a point, did it matter? 

grooming tw: it all came to a screeching halt when she met luke johnson, the son of their neighbors. he came back from california to georgia to visit family, care for his ailing father. oh, he was a good man! sure, he was ‘somewhat’ older than her — 27 when she was 16 — but he was such a good, handsome young man! and they were all still calling him young man, after all. 

alice ‘began’ a torrid affair with luke after about a month into his visit. although she saw no immediate wrong in it, he insisted she keep it a secret ‘for the time being’ — which really just made it all the more exciting! he made all the storm clouds that hovered disappear.

one day, the levee broke for alice (still figuring out what exactly happened because i don’t wanna go too dark since this is already extremely dark, but trust that it had something to do with her parents and was just enough to push her over the edge). convinced luke was the only safe person, she turned to him. knowing their small community would catch on and essentially exile him, he took that opportunity to convince her to go back to santa monica with him where they could ‘start anew’ after his father’s death.

there are a few details i plan on adding regarding like. how legality playing into it. but i may just reserve those for an official bio lhakfsdfj

**BEGINNING OF SUPER DARK** for a while, there was the question of whether they should consider it a kidnapping or not. she went with him willingly, but she was still underage (and… you know, that age difference… the power dynamic... gross y’all). the adams insisted that it was (bc it basically was lbr) — primarily because it would make them look far better — but the community still questioned the logistics and legalities of it all… ugh. did the police really wanna deal with that? ugh. 

in any case, on the other side of us america, autumn was nearing. alice would have the very occasional inquiry over how school would work (very occasional! don’t worry, luke!), over the logistics of her new life… and, after receiving multiple calls from various friends (in addition to her siblings) that sounded genuine, began wondering… if she’d made the right choice. questions about him.

when she began bringing up the idea of going back — at least for the school year!! — he would continuously remind her that she was not old enough to buy herself a plane ticket (and he was not about to do that). she also couldn’t rent a car yet (and he certainly wouldn’t let her take (one of) his car(s)!). but most importantly? he loved her. and she loved him. (what a creep!)

so, for a hot second, it seemed like she was stuck. damn legalities!! damn love!! you know, until she texted her older sister back with all of the problems that only being 16... and “in love”.... caused. her sister offered to fly down, buy her a plane ticket, and fly back with her. 

when luke saw this (with all the unrestricted access to her phone he had so he could block, delete, and manipulate as he pleased), he confronted her. things went awry. she wound up in his budding wine cellar (which he soon emptied, of course… those merlots :( ….). he messaged back and, as her, said it was actually all good!! luke had figured out the logistics and she could call whenever she wanted!!

and those calls became frequent! because she would pick up when luke held it up to her! because she was pretty sure luke would kill her if she didn’t!

she wasn’t sure how long it was until she was officially Found. it took what was ruled a suicide by luke, a shot to the head and heroin in his system, to finally get any authority’s attention. all she knew was that she went to santa monica in mid june and she stopped seeing regular daylight by late july. so some time in august to some time in april… **END OF SUPER DARK + GROOMING**

she was returned to georgia shortly after and everything was different. from herself to her friends. but everything was also the same. from her room to her family. it was all… teasing. she began going to therapy, but she really sucked at it?? so she just let her therapist rely on various articles that covered the event. because it had been a media circus. good enough, amirite?? 

she didn’t have the will or patience to put on that peppy facade she’d had before, but there were still a few things she found a smidge of joy in. music (although her taste had… slightly altered and wow! it’d been almost a year since she’d picked up that bass!), videography… just those small things, you know?? 

for the first half of the ~ 2014 fall semester ~, she attempted actual school. really was not working out. with, for probably the first and only time, her parents’ approval and understanding, she dropped out and studied for a ged -- shorter and self-led -- instead. 

she passed with a pretty decent grade... but it’s been argued that she really shouldn’t have gotten into pratt institute (she was at least realistic and didn’t apply to, like… cornell), but she did. national news helps. 

while in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, she learned of masters. she submitted an application as a joke — because her grades sucked!!!!! — but guess who got a job?? oh, she could pretend it was because her selected portfolio was actually genuinely good… but, man… we all know…

fun fact: my uncle applied to harvard as a joke. some twenty-five years later, we still haven’t heard back :\

she… continues to suck. like… she kinda wants the place to eventually burn down?? figuratively speaking (or is it…) but ya, for all the monopolizing she has seen turn people Evil?? but the hell can she do about it… just gotta make sure she keeps her in-house videographer job… maybe she can do something about it when she like… is capable. fuaihoelwdjkn

she sees an in-house therapist and i’d say ‘good for her,’ but it was mandated l m a o 

doesn’t talk about herself all that much!! but that might not matter for some people, yk?? ugh journalism <3 

y’all im so bad at ending intros.

TL;DR:

(consult above trigger list): bright kid in a super rich and toxic family because obviously. everything they did was just to look good <3 also they all had ‘a’ names which is the biggest tragedy of all :( ‘fell in love’ when she was 16ys/o with a 27y/o who was visiting to care for his father in his final days. had a torrid affair. creep. creep (luke) basically made her ‘fall in love.’ she thought creep was the only safe person at one point and creep was like ‘wanna go back 2 santa monica w me?’ and she was like ‘yes.’ and everyone was like ‘was this kidnapping... we cant tell....’ then he became even more possessive when she started questioning him and some logistics. when she finally found a way she could go back to georgia for a spell, he was like ‘no u can go in my wine cellar btw i will be taking all of the wine out.’ he kept her there from august to april and... only reason he didnt keep keeping her was bc he was Caught so. back to georgia where the devil went down. everything was Worse. even the things that were the same. but hey, the sob story that landed her in the news plenty of times got her into a college she shouldn’t have gotten into and gave her a leg-up in a joke application for a job at masters (in-house videographer). really bad at doing her work but like... fuck the man i guess?? 

PERSONALITY + HEADCANONS:

has no time for Fake Nice (which, as a born southerner, she’s really good at sniffing out!). has no time for arrogance. kind of makes her at odds with the nyc upper class...

on that note, still got a lil bit of some georgia twang

she lets herself indulge in various vices, but has left a previous hedonist status. weed and alcohol are still pretty common, but everything else is kept at arm’s length.

also, while on that topic, she Does Not drink wine. being trapped in a cellar... kinda makes u averse. like. literally despises it. will go on autopilot and make it KNOWN if offered wine.

also ALSO while on that topic, after looking it up and seeing she fits the new york city requirements, she has a medical marijuana card <3 the one good thing, if u ask her, to come out of therapy/psychiatry <3 will not show it off unless absolutely NECESSARY bc then it gets personal or <3 will lie about why and say it’s like for epilepsy or sumn unless ur rolfe but <3 she has it <3

at odds with herself. enjoys the company of others, definitely has a history of being an extrovert, but has become very selective with the company she keeps. 

VERY private person! has had enough public standing! 

...has occasionally used her story to advance her tho bc it’s her national newsworthy tragic story and she can exploit it if she wants <3

when good charlotte said “i don’t wanna be in love”?? she felt that. her last ‘relationship’ ruined that for her <3 save her <3 

used to be really into pop! bc pop is fun! she loved some britney (i mean... she still does... how can u not!)! but. her taste has changed drastically. rarely listens to pop. has traded britney for like.... hole and the like.

her parents didn’t use this as the basis for her name but,, 2 me,,, she’s named alice for a reason <3 gotta luv alice in chains <3

y’all i found a youtube comment on a video called ‘nirvana - half the man i used to be’ (the song was, in fact, ‘creep’ by stone temple pilots) and it’s <3 her music taste <3 click here for it <3

the above said, dresses like she’s in seattle in the early 90s. 

her rumor is true btw she DID catfish david hasselhoff and she will proudly tell u. it’s her best accomplishment.

completely stopped talking to her parents and got cut-off a while back ago so now she’s livin like the Prols

which is how a rich kid one of my profs once advised referred to his classmates.... hilarity ensues.

the above in mind, her parents say she’s testing the waters as a ‘normal person’ to save face. they can’t have anyone knowing their family isn’t perfect <3

she has a pet turtle whom she named “dr. turtle,” although he’s constantly referred to as “doc” or “the doc.” he has his own youtube channel and tiktok account.

she has a wall full of evidence that courtney love did not kill kurt cobain... it makes sense, believe me.

became a vegetarian...... partially because it was different from her original life and a way to control something, partially because this commercial made her feel SO BAD.

literally her default mode is stoned like... a totally sober alice is rarer than a nessie sighting

when she was 18, before she could ‘hold her liquor’ as well as she can now, she got a lil too drunk and now has a portrait tattoo of courtney love on her forearm. but it was done well at least!!

kind of ironic considering her career, but RARELY posts on any social media site except twitter. after the media circus in 2014 and All Eyes On Her, she’s just..... so tired...... of ppl seeing her face and being like ‘omg ur that wine cellar bitch!’

(drugs tw) has become more and more Addicted to playing around with fate. j chill on a ledge, talkin to some pals, but deciding it’s a good idea to swing her legs on the wrong side of ledge? totally! mixing a lot of alcohol with opioids which she is not accustomed to? DEF!! (end tw)

more to come!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

i have two (2) queued up!! but while we wait for them to post, i’ll just… link them over here: 1, 2

muse u <3 the other half of her subplot from the main <3

her older sister!

her younger sibling!

some of the basics!! you know: close pal, roommate, drug buddies (but she gotta hit them up), fwb, ons, frenemies, enemy

ppl who recognize her from the 2014 luke johnson articles and have either brought it up or,,,,,,, act Awkward™

cld be fun 2 just have like. a jam bud. someone who plays any instrument and they j. jam sometimes.

ppl she sells. some of her medical marijuana to. bc yk what weed may be legal in nyc now but,,,, she’s still found a way to be broke she will accept anything. and also it just became legalized THIS YEAR so!!

i have a budding wc page @ https://escxpiism.tumblr.com/wcs (and when i say budding, i MEAN budding) so feel free 2 check it out!!

more to come!!

[conradscrime]

The Infamous Case of D.B. Cooper

March 14, 2021

This case began on November 24, 1971 when a man who went by the name of Dan Cooper went up to the counter of Northwest Orient Airlines in Portland, Oregon and asked to buy a one-way ticket to Seattle Washington. The man paid for this ticket in cash. The name D.B. Cooper comes from a miscommunication, supposedly the man named himself as Dan but his ticket was printed out as saying D.B. Cooper instead. 

Cooper was very quiet and described as a man in his mid-40′s, wearing a business suit with a black tie and white shirt. While waiting for the plane to take off, the man ordered a bourbon and soda. A little after 3 pm the strange man handed the stewardess, Florence Schaffner, a note which claimed he had a bomb in his briefcase and demanded her to sit down with him. 

The stewardess, needing to remain calm, sat down next to D.B. as he wrote a note for her to take to the captain. He demanded to have 4 parachutes and $200,000 in twenty dollar bills. I think we all know what his threat was if they plane did not meet his demands. 

Knowing that there was 36 passengers on the plane and several crew members, they had no choice but to give the man what he wanted. The flight eventually landed in Seattle and all of the passengers were let off unharmed. D.B. Cooper kept several crew members on the plane with him as they were heading for their next destination, Mexico City. 

A little after 8 pm when the plane was somewhere between Seattle and Reno, the man known as D.B. Cooper jumped out of the back of the plane with a parachute and his ransom money. The pilots landed the plane safely and no one was hurt, but D.B. Cooper was never seen again. 

There have been a lot of suspects over the years of who this older, put together, strange man was. One of the most popular suspects was a man who went by the name of Richard Floyd McCoy. He came to be a suspect because he attempted to hijack a plane in similar fashion to D.B. Cooper a few months later on April 7, 1972. He demanded four parachutes and $500,000. McCoy was arrested but eventually let go because he did not match the identical descriptions two of the flight attendants gave. 

What is such a mysterious about this case is that we have a fairly accurate and good description of D.B. Cooper because the stewardess that sat and talked to him had spent a considerable amount of time with him and had gotten a good look at his face and features. 

D.B. Cooper is suspected to have possibly been an Air Force veteran at some point because he was quite familiar with the Seattle area and even recognized the city of Tacoma while the plane was still in motion. Others also believe he used the alias Dan Cooper name after a fictional hero in a Belgian comic books series. The fictional Dan Cooper was a test pilot who had numerous heroic adventures even ones that involved parachuting. 

Others believe D.B. Cooper did not actually survive the jump. Most think this because he wasn’t wearing proper clothing or footwear for a jump of that extent, as well as he would of been jumping out of the plane in a dark and wooded area, which would be even difficult for an expert which most believe he was not. 

Another well known suspect is a man named Kenneth Peter Christiansen, after his brother Lyle Christiansen watched a documentary on the D.B. Cooper case in 2003. Lyle was convinced that his brother was Cooper for multiple reasons. Kenneth Christiansen enlisted in the army in 1944 and was a trained paratrooper. He also joined the Northwest Orient in 1954 working as a mechanic, a flight attendant and then a purser based in Seattle. He would of been 45 years old at the time of the hijacking, matching the supposed age of D.B. Cooper but he was shorter, thinner and lighter than the description given. Christiansen also smoked and preferred bourbon like Cooper. Florence Schaffner, the stewardess who spent a lot of time with Cooper said that Kenneth Christiansen matched the description more than any of the other suspects she had seen, though she could not 100% identify him as being Cooper.

Here is where things get really creepy. Kenneth Christiansen had purchased a house in cash a few months after the hijacking took place and when he was dying of cancer in 1994 he told his brother Lyle that there was something he should know, but that he couldn’t tell him what it was. Lyle said he never pressed his brother for more information. After Kenneth died his family found several news clippings of Northwest Orient news that started around the time he was hired in the 1950′s and stopped right before the hijacking took place in 1971. Kenneth worked for the airline part-time for several years after 1971 though he supposedly never saved another paper clipping. 

So now it’s time to debunk some findings. Apparently, according to the Wikipedia page (which isn’t the greatest source ever I know), some web sleuths actually discovered that Kenneth Christiansen never bought a house with cash after the hijacking, he had a mortgage on a house and took 17 years to pay it off. Kenneth’s family also claimed they found around $200,000 in accounts after his death, though sleuths found that he had actually sold 2 dozen acres of land for large amounts of money which would explain why he had so much money on him in the mid 1990′s around the time of his death. However, this is just from a source I found, I have not looked into these debunking theories.

Another suspect goes by the name of Lynn Doyle Cooper, or L.D. Cooper. Born in 1931, he was a leather worker and Korean War veteran. In 2011 his niece Marla Cooper proposed he was a potential suspect. Marla was a child at the time but she remembers her uncle and another uncle planning something “mischievous” involving the use of walkie talkies at her grandmother’s house in Sisters, Oregon on November 23, 1971. The next day the plane hijacking took place and thought L.D. Cooper was supposedly turkey hunting that day he came home wearing a bloody shirt and said he had been in an auto accident. Marla claims both her parents suspected L.D. of being D.B. Cooper and she also said her uncle was obsessed with the comic book hero Dan Cooper mentioned previously. L.D. Cooper would’ve matched the age D.B. Cooper was described as but he died in 1999 taking whatever secrets he had with him. The FBI added his DNA to the system to see if it was a match from the unknown DNA they had from D.B. Cooper’s tie, but it did not match though this doesn’t mean he wasn’t the mysterious hijacker. 

There are so many more interesting suspects with lots of evidence suggesting they very well could be D.B. Cooper, I might make a second post strictly discussing some other interesting suspects. 

In February 1980 almost 9 years after the original hijacking when a young boy named Brian Ingram found a wad of twenty dollar bills, $5,800 in total, along the banks of the Columbia River and the serial number on the bills matched the serial number of the bills given to D.B. Cooper. However, I personally think (and kind of hope) he survived because no body has ever been found. I am kind of rooting for this guy because this story sounds so unreal.

In 2017 a group of volunteer investigators found what appeared to be an old parachute strap in the Pacific Northwest. In August 2017 a piece of foam that was suspected to be part of D.B. Cooper’s backpack was found. 

FBI agents recovered 66 unidentified fingerprints aboard the plane as well as finding Cooper’s black clip on tie, his tie clip and two of the four parachutes, one being opened. 

The FBI officially suspended the active investigation in July 2016, almost 45 years after the hijacking, however they ask if anyone has any physical evidence that might emerge to submit it for analysis. All of the evidence is open to the public.

The mystery of D.B. Cooper is the only unsolved case of air piracy in commercial aviation history. Unless someone confesses on their death bed, I say the identity of D.B. Cooper will remain unsolved. The likelihood of someone confessing to this on their deathbed is unlikely though because if the man was in his mid-40′s in 1971 he would be in his 90′s now if he is still alive. 

[ectonurites]

Plus isnt the age gap between tim and jason like,, large. As if the incest wasnt bad enough smh

YEAH… like, obviously they’re brothers and that goes above all of this anyways, but let’s look at their age difference just for curiosity sake, because in general that kind of thing’s still interesting to look at. Starting with before the reboot:

Jason was 15 when he died (You can see his death certificate in The Batman Files). He was restored to life by Superboy prime 6 months later. He then spent a year in a coma, bringing him to 16. He spent around a year living on the streets of Gotham while catatonic, bringing him to 17. Talia Al Ghul took him in to the League of Assassins for at least a year before putting him in the Lazarus Pit, bringing him to at least 18. He then spent around a year training and plotting before returning to Gotham for Under the Red Hood stuff putting him at 19 at the youngest, but possibly older if you think his training or time was longer. Batman Annual #25 & Red Hood Lost Days goes into more detail on the time between his resurrection and the events of Under the Red Hood. Again specific consistent ages/times aren’t given to a lot of this so it’s gotta be some guesswork, but him dying at 15 is pretty agreed upon since it’s on the death certificate, so using that as a jumping point there’s only so far you can go.

When Jason first comes to fight Tim around the same time he’s doing Under the Red Hood stuff, it’s in Teen Titans (#29). This is when Tim is 16 (he turned 16 in Robin #116 in 2003, published a few years before this Teen Titans issue, and he doesn’t become 17 until after the One Year Later timeskip that follows Infinite Crisis) giving them approximately a 3 year age difference at the time. 

So Tim is 16 and Jason is 19 when they meet, and right before the reboot you could consider them instead to be 17 and 20 (since we know Tim aged and we can pretty safely assume Jason did as well since the whole universe did a one year time jump)

This also lines up pretty well with Tim first approaching Dick at age 13 during Lonely Place of Dying (he says he’s 13 specifically in Batman #441). Jason died at age 15 in April, and by the time of this story we know at least a few months have passed. Tim’s birthday is in July, so it makes sense that Tim was 12 when Jason had died, but just ya know kept aging after that. 

Soooo yeah, the three year age difference seems pretty consistant.

However this differs from current continuity. 

As of right now writing this, 16 is still the most recent age confirmation we’ve gotten for Tim, (like during New 52 Teen Titans stuff). Although you could definitely make an argument that he should logically (based on the fact that he had a going to college plot line, has an apartment with his girlfriend, etc) be at least a little bit older currently, he’s still absolutely a teenager. 

Since the reboot, Jason has been shown ordering/drinking alcohol publicly without anyone questioning it multiple times (In Robin War he’s in a bar, at least twice in RHATO 2016 he drinks with Artemis, probably more times but those come to mind immediately.) meaning it’s pretty safe to assume he’s at least 21 (and hell, during Batman & Robin Eternal Jason even brings Tim into a bar and Tim’s annoyed, he thinks he shouldn’t be there since he’s not old enough) So their age gap actually got bigger than it used to be. 

So currently Tim is approximately 16 and Jason is at least 21, so around a 5 year difference.

All of this is moot though because no matter what they’re already brothers, so looking at the age differences is just… even more concerning stuff! also not to mention the like, literal murder attempts.

But also I think even for things outside of ‘why you shouldn’t ship them’ it’s just interesting looking at the ages in comics since they’re inconsistent as hell. 

[slashyrogue]

A life of a familiar was not a very fulfilling one if you still had not found your magic user at one hundred and twelve.

Hannibal’s residual magic had after the first hundred years bled out of him in dark and murderous tendencies until to kill felt like a deep breath. He didn’t expect to ever find his other half.

Which was why when he found young Abigail it was such a surprise.

Hannibal had just left the grocer that afternoon when a peculiar feeling overcame his senses and dragged him down several streets to a small park.

A small child who could not have been more than a year at best was playing with a toy while a man who he presumed was her father looked at her in fear.

Hannibal had to stop himself from shifting to take a seat beside his witch’s father. “Lovely day for a walk.”

His witch looked up at his voice and her baby babble made his magic sing.

“How old is she?”

A sigh from the father as he pushed up his glasses. “She’s turning one in April.”

“She’s rather small for nine months.”

Hannibal knew they couldn’t communicate much but he attempted to send a thin psionic message.

‘Hello’

She waved and Hannibal was enchanted. He would kill anyone who even thought to do her harm even the man beside him.

“She’s—-it’s been tough.”

Hannibal took in the man’s appearance: haggard clothing, tired eyes, and pale skin.

“Oh, you’ve attempted ciphering.”

The wide eyed stare was comical as was his sudden jump up to run from him. Hannibal used magic to make the man fall back to the bench. He took off his suit coat and unbuttoned his sleeve before rolling it to show his forearm.

There was a very ornate pattern there and also on his other arm, swirls that resembled a stag with red eyes. He had always assumed that meant his magic user was a animus, which she very well still could be.

An immense relief came over the man’s face and Hannibal let his hold drop. “I thought—“

Hannibal fixed his sleeve. “That I was going to take her from you? Has she been targeted?”

“No,” the father sighed, “Not since I had her registered.”

Hannibal gestured to the stroller.

“May I?”

“Yes.”

He pulled the stroller closer and took her into his arms. They both visibly shook and she grabbed his cheeks just as her tiny mouth curved into a smile.

“Hello Abigail.”

“Hi Hanbl.”

“Oh.”

Hannibal looked at the father, who looked more sad than before.

“Does she conjure at home?”

He nodded. “Since three months old. Her mother couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to have her put in one of those...places.”

Hannibal’s lip curled.

“You were right to take Abigail from someone with that mentality.”

“She wasn’t—“

Hannibal moved his witch into the crook of his arm and held out his hand to her father.

“Hannibal Lecter.”

The touch of their hands was oddly warm and Hannibal held back a purr.

“Will Graham.”

Hannibal turned his palm over and read the lines. “You have magic in your blood. I can feel it.”

“No, I’m not...active.”

He looked up. “Not Active? You’re Dulled?”

Will took his hand away, his blush very becoming as he pushed up the glasses that hung on off his nose.

“Yeah. The only son of Marie and Logan Graham is Dulled.”

Hannibal had heard of neither.

“You do not feel dull. Perhaps you’re destined for another path.”

Will laughed. “Sure. I...this isn’t normal. You finding us, Abby manifesting and conjuring.”

Hannibal looked down at Abigail who had since fallen asleep. “Nor is it abnormal as magic takes many twists and turns. I have seen many things in the last one hundred years. This is nothing.”

“Wow. You...you’re sure that she’s your—“

Hannibal lifted Abigail’s sleeve and smiled. “Yes. Do not worry, Will. This is a good thing for all of us. You no longer have to cause pain to your aura by ciphering while Abigail and I—“

“I...can I still see her?”

Hannibal looked at him curiously.

“Pardon?”

He saw tears in the Dulled’s eyes.

“Normally when a witch finds their familiar they go off for the five year training and I—“

“Well of course this is different. No need to pain yourself with thoughts I’m taking her from you.”

Will let out a long breath.

“Thank God, I—“

A older couple seemed to stare as they passed by and Hannibal wanted to growl. He glared until they were gone and his nails grew till Will touched his arm.

“Calm down. It’s ok.”

Hannibal closed his eyes.

“I apologize. I feel very protective over you both.”

“That’s good but save the murder for nightfall ok?”

He opened his eyes and saw Will looked amused but wondered just how much he’d picked up on with his own magic or perhaps just luck.

“Yes, Father Will.”

Will blushed and moved away, his laugh uncomfortable. “Yeah just Will is ok. About the whole training thing...”

“I would of course invite you into my home but if it makes you more comfortable to just have me come to you, I am amendable.”

Will blinked. “Um...maybe we can come by for dinner first?”

Hannibal’s nostrils flared as he took in Will’s nervous scent.

“Yes. I believe that sounds like a splendid idea.”

[transdonaldduck]

*KICKS IN UR DOOR* I would love to hear more about ur tmnt universe stuff

okay!!! you dont gatta ask me twice. I drew these last night at 3 am and lost steam halfway through and gave up on donatello bc i wasn’t happy with any of my sketches and that’s that! forewarning: im edgy so this is edgy

the rest is under the readmore

The setting: It’s new york babey! We’re following our protagonist April O’Neil, 17 years old, as she navigates the confusing waters of high school, first jobs, and accidentally stumbling upon a mutant underworld. This samples a lot from rotmnt and 2012 bc i have no creativity

characters i’ve thought out

Irma- 18, senior, about to go to college to major in Architecture. She’s aloof but she actually cares about people deep down, she just doesn’t like to show it. She’s trying to let her natural hair color grow out from the years she dyed it black. She likes documentaries, chess, hanging out at graveyeards, and writing horror short stories. Seems sorta doom n gloom but is more apathetic than negative. She’s the president of the journalism club (who runs the school newspaper and morning news segment.) She’s looking for someone to take over the club after she’s gone, and has the perfect candidate in mind… if only April had the skill to match her enthusiasm.

April O’Neil- 17, junior, and aspiring journalist and reporter. She’s upbeat, determined, confident, and a real bright spot ot the people that know her. Her favorite things to do are listen to music, sing, take pictures, and take walks in the sun. She’s a go-getting, very self driver to acheive her goals, and her ultimate goal is to be the greatest reporter that has ever lived. Unfortunately, april doesn’t have the knack for reporting, and every piece she’s submitted to her schools newpaper has been fluff pieces… Irma tasks her with writing a front page headliner for the paper so she feels confident passing the club onto her, and in Aprils attempt to come up with the greatest story ever, she sutmbles upon a gang war and 4 mutant turtles…

Casey Jones- 18, Junior, and barely passing. Casey’s the kind of boy no one really expects anything of, so he doesn’t bother trying bc at least then he won’t fail. April inspires him to be better. He likes bad jokes, terrible coffee, and hockey- he’s hoping that April will tutor him enough to be able to bring his grades up enough to be allowed back on the school’s team. He seems sorta prickly and rude at first, but he’s just got a spiky outer shell and he’s really sweet inside. He loves horror movies and extreme sports competitons. He makes a point to walk april home whenever she stays late working on school stuff,

turtle time

the setting: They still live in the sewers, Splinter is still their dad but he’s very old when he gets the turtles, making him even older now. He does a lot of meditating and watching tv and doing crosswords, yknow old people stuff. He relies a lot on Leo to be the head of the house now that he’s old enough. He still trains the boys to learn martial arts bc he thinks it’s important they can defend themselves, considering what they are. He can kick ass when he needs to, tho

leo- 19, red ear slider, silent and stoic leader, raised as a child to be responisble for his brothers. He’s pretty socially awkward and weird bc he was divided from his brothers at a young age and didn’t get a lot of chances to grow and play with other kids his age. He doesn’t do much outside of train, study, and chores, and April is appaled by the fact that he doesn’t have like, ANY hobbies. she takes it upon herself as a personal mission to find something for him to do. He doesnt know the meaning of the word fun, but he tries not to always be a stick in the mud (mostly by removing himself from the fun situation in a misguided attempt to make everyone happier…)

raph- 18, Snapping turtle, and he’s got a short fuse and a big appetite. He’s a bit resentful of his families situation stuck in the sewers and darkness, and he hates being looked down upon. He’s only rebellious bc of how confined and trapped he feels, and though he can act like a grump and lash out he has a heart of gold. He likes wood carving, it’s actually how he made his little sun pendant he wears, it’s something to remind him the sun will rise soon and he’ll be there to see it.

donatello- 17, softshell turtle, bookworm and tech wizard. he likes to read for fun and he’s super into mechanics and computers. smarter than his brothers but thinks WAY too much, often holes up in his lab for hours trying to work out some particularly tough programming problem and will only come out for tea or pizza. he can be snooty/superior in situations where his intellect can be flashed. the worst ninja of the bunch (he thinks more with his head than with his body and never practices)

mikey- 15, box turtle, goofy gooey heartfelt younger brother. He cant draw for shit but still tries because he thinks it’s fun. He’s good at writing and poetry, he likes words and keeps a daily diary he writes in every day. He also keeps a dream journal and a log on all the tunnels in the sewers they’ve explored. He like to keep notes. Comic books are his favorite reading material but he’s picky about the art styles he enjoys, and he is very naturally talented with anything physical. good at easing tension but has 0 common sense, just a round angel

Leo is the shortest and lightest, agile and quick. Mikey is second shortest but he’s fat, which doesn’t detract from his natural flexibility. Raph is second tallest and broad shouldered with big arms, a powerhouse. Donnie is tall and lanky, a little uncoordinated but still strong.

[caleblewis94]

Preview: The Door To Infinity

           Puck was now a forty-two-year-old man who still hadn’t learned his last name due to a grease stain from a slice of pizza obscuring the name on his birth certificate in the no-good year of 1978. Why couldn’t his mother or one of his eleven older siblings have told him somewhere during these last 4.2 decades, you ask? Why because they had all died in an oxygen tank explosion that had completely obliterated the house before the Fire Department could even arrive, of course. What else could have possibly happened? Puck’s mother whose name was literally Mother, and who had once been a nun before she was banned for playing Elton John on the church organ, could actually be called Mother Mother, the mother of Puck, because as the saying goes: once a mother, always a mother. That sure is a mouthful, thank God she’s dead.

Mother returned home from the hospital bringing with her a cart of portable oxygen bottles for her own mother, Mother the first, who suffered from COPD which was exacerbated by the pre-existing condition of being apt to not listen to advice or heed warnings. Upon the delivery of oxygen bottles, Mother Mother the mother of Puck finally thought to cut the umbilical cord. The wailing mucus membrane with the fat, pudgy face of a forty-two-year-old man on the disproportionately large head of a newborn had tripped her on the way up the stairs, reminding her that she had forgotten to “forget” him at the hospital. With a sigh, she cut the umbilical cord with the first thing she could find: a pair of safety scissors. The act was hilarious and took nearly fifteen minutes to complete. Afterwards, she lugged the oxygen bottles in and gave them to her ornery old witch, but minus the cool magical powers, of a mother.

Some say that a mother’s intuition can cause her to feel an impending sense of danger to her own. Perhaps this is why she went lovingly outside, cradling the slimy, writhing middle-aged newborn in her tattooed and cigarette burned arms,  and ever so carefully dropped Puck into the first pile of trash she had found lying by the street, which just so happened to be a random bale of hay in a DIY manger that her neighbors had attempted to assemble after purchasing it from Ikea before growing frustrated and throwing it half-finished in the street. One can say this motherly intuition saved the baby named Puck that would one day grow up to become the man named Puck. Then again, her motherly instinct didn’t seem to apply to her other eleven comically-named children.

Mother Mother, the mother of Puck, went back inside her home. Puck no longer cried. Now he sat in the Ikea manger with his arms crossed and his lower lip jutting out. This would become his signature look which would make him quite popular, albeit for mocking purposes, with all of the former high school football stars who would form the majority of his coworkers at the glue factory in his adulthood. Moments after his mother entered the house behind him, he would hear, though he wouldn’t understand because he was a baby and everybody knows babies can’t understand words, his mother shouting at his grandmother in her obnoxious twang of a Country accent that Puck would thankfully never acquire himself.

“God Dayum, you old bat, Cain’t you read?” Mother Mother, mother of Puck shouted.

“I can read, you little skank. I’m just having me a cigarette,” Shouted Mother, mother of Mother Mother the mother of Puck.

“I’m tired of you smokin’ meemaw!” Shouted the shrill voice of one of Puck’s siblings. Judging by the whiny tone, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume it was Kyle.

“That’s too dayum bad.”

“The sign says no smoking, because it could explode if exposed to fire!” Mother Mother, mother of Puck shouted back.

“Then why hasn’t it yet?”

“Comical effect!”

In completely coincidental, and in no means embellished or made-up fashion, the entire house exploded immediately after the joke in the dialogue was wearing thin. The sound of the explosion sounded to Puck like the winner to the 1978 Darwin Awards if they were around in that terrible, no-good year of 1978. Kaboom with a capital KA.

Now, it’s reasonable to ask why Puck? Why this ugly, slimy, miniature spitting image of Donald Trump? Why did this little clump of living smegma survive in lieu of his entire family being incinerated instantly like a bunch of redneck Icaruses that flew directly into the sun because they didn’t believe the Science that said the sun can hurt you? It is because of a thing called fate. Puck wasn’t meant to die that day. For, you see, you beautiful reader, you, Puck was destined for greater things, like developing a nicotine habit he couldn’t quite kick, working in a glue factory overseeing the melting of the horses, and his destiny to die in a hilarious accident involving a shopping cart at the age of 42. As a wise man once said, so it goes.

∞

           Puck, now a forty-two-year-old man full of past traumas and experiences that shaped him into the disgruntled, burned-out, and inconsiderate grump that people subconsciously hoped would drop dead, went to the supermarket. What he bought at said supermarket holds no importance whatsoever to the rest of the novel, but for the record was; 19 bushels of crab legs, 30 cans of Ragu spaghetti sauce, 20 gallons of vegetable oil, 12 cartons of increased fat milk, 8 sticks of extra-salted butter, 57 liters of Mountain Dew, 3 bottles of Coca-Cola that had been stuffed under the clearance shelf since 1958, 5 jugs of eggnog, despite it being the middle of April, two of those obnoxiously bright blue lightbulbs for some reason, and a Milkyway Lite because he was trying to watch his figure.

           Puck pushed his shopping cart outside. Of course his luck would have had him picking the cart with the broken wheel, causing it to limp along like a sprinter who had torn their ACL and was desperately trying to hobble their way across the finish line. Plus, the fact that he had so much food weighing down the cart didn’t help him steer it any easier. Life was so hard for poor Puck. On his way to his car, Puck was passed by an old lady on one of those automatic shopping carts that truly highlighted the pinnacle of modern invention. The old woman was smoking three cigarettes at the same time, blowing tendrils of smoke through her nostrils like a dragon who had already expended all of his (or her) fire and couldn’t ejaculate any more. She had an oxygen tank on the back of the cart, though she wasn’t using it. Maybe she’ll need it later, Puck thought. Yes, riding an automatic shopping cart around a store for an hour sure is exhausting work.

           Puck got to his car and popped the trunk, which promptly swung open much faster than normal, hitting him in the chin because even his car was tired of his shit. In the background was the sound of an explosion, but Puck thought nothing of this. He flung the groceries in the trunk and shut it back, then he promptly took the shopping and left it right there in the middle of the street, despite there being a coral only twenty feet away. It wasn’t that Puck didn’t see the coral—he did—he just decided to rebel. It was his way of sticking it to the proverbial man. Puck got in his car and drove home, the shopping cart looming menacingly in the parking lot, vowing to get revenge on the forty-two-year-old-man.

           When Puck got home, he realized that he had forgotten to also purchase a diet Mountain Dew, because—how can he watch his figure without a pound of aspartame in his system?—Puck lovingly kissed his wife goodbye, and by lovingly kissed his wife goodbye, I mean he didn’t kiss her goodbye, he simply said “I forgot something, be back in ten” then left. However, he wouldn’t be back in ten. In fact, he also wouldn’t even be back at the supermarket in ten, traffic was awfully heavy for two in the afternoon on a Sunday. Also, he wouldn’t ever be back because he would be killed in a tragic, yet hilariously Shakespearean way. A way that said, maybe there is a God who occasionally involves himself in the affairs of humans to deliver righteous justice.

           Puck went to the self-checkout line again, but this time at least he actually had under ten items. He hated the small talk Cashiers would make with him, especially the pretty twenty-something-year-old ladies who would make blatant attempts to flirt with him by saying things like “Good morning, sir,” “Paper or plastic?” and, worst of all, “Would you like a receipt?” The total on the screen came up to three dollars and twenty-three cents after tax. It was a bit more than he thought it had cost when he was just here half an hour ago, but he was trying to watch his figure, dammit, so he would not and could not be stopped. He paid for the bottle, and also a banana, and left, not even bothering to take the receipt that had printed from the machine.

           “Have a nice day,” said a blonde and blue-eyed nineteen-year-old with a smile that conveyed anything but a genuine smile inside. It was a smile that seemed to say that this young lady was going through her own personal troubles and was having a tough time but was trying her best to be strong and kind to others. To anyone else it would be inspiring, but to Puck it was just another attempt to flirt with him. Puck, not wanting to be rude, gave her that kind of sideways smile any suburban white person would give someone they accidentally made eye contact with in public, and walked by, sidestepping a random broken piece of an oxygen bottle by the door. As he crossed the windy threshold that separates the land of groceries from the humid, suburban air of the Greater Atlanta Area, he swallowed the banana in one gulp. It was a fun party trick he had learned in college. He didn’t have to waste time chewing, and everyone loved it. Especially the random man he had accidentally made eye contact with in the process of the great swallow.

           Puck walked out into the crosswalk without looking both ways, not that he needed to look both ways, there were stop signs and everybody in the United States obeys stop signs. He dropped the banana peel absentmindedly onto the ground and made his way towards his car.

           As Puck approached his car, he bumped into the shopping cart he had left sitting in the street—not the corral, mind you—thirty minutes prior. The cart rolled forward towards him, ready for its vengeance. If it were alive and wielding a knife, it would totally stab Puck right in the abdomen. For far too long Puck had violated its shopping cart family’s rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of being put back in the corral. But, luckily for Puck, it wasn’t alive. It was a shopping cart. In frustration with this minor inconvenience, Puck pushed the cart further into the street with one swift kick.

           “I should have used a basket,” He muttered to himself.

           However, the shopping cart heard him make this remark. Or it would have heard him if it were alive and had ears or some other method for processing auditory information. And if it were alive and capable of not just processing auditory information but also understanding English, this comment would have been the last straw. The shopping cart would teach him a lesson if it were alive. Puck was so lucky it wasn’t alive.

           Puck turned back to his car and fished for his keys in his pocket, except the keys weren’t there. What the hell, Puck thought. I just had them! He checked his pocket again as if he could possibly miss a keychain the size of Timbuktu, and to his utter shock, the keys hadn’t pulled a David Copperfield and magically reappeared. He turned back around to head into the store and angrily ask the poor girl behind the customer service desk if anyone had found and returned his car keys, as if she were the one herself who had misplaced them. However, before he could do so, something glimmering beneath the partially clouded sky caught his eye. His car keys lied in the bottom basket of the shopping cart that, after being kicked, scampered away before settling eighteen feet away from Puck and just a measly two feet from the corral.

           You got him now, you devious shopping cart you, the corral would have thought if it were alive and capable of thought. With a long, drawn out sigh, Puck crossed the street. He removed the keys from the lower basket and glanced at the corral which was now literally not even out of his way to return the cart to. The shopping cart was already facing towards the corral like a baby reaching out for its mother. Puck didn’t even have to walk forward at all to return it, all he had to do was lightly push the cart and it would be back in its rightful place. Puck didn’t do this. Instead, he took the cart and placed it back in the middle of the street for some reason, and then went back to his car.

           This would have been the final straw for the shopping cart if the shopping cart had any packets of straws left to give, never mind the rude comment about getting a basket instead. Oh, if only the shopping cart were alive and capable of inflicting punishment upon this horrible man with an even horrible-er—or, dare I say—horrible-est name. Puck? More like duck, the shopping cart would have thought, not that the cart would have any prejudices against ducks, it was just a slightly speciest saying it would have learned growing up in a family of shopping carts in the Southern states.

           Suddenly, like a car that had hit a pothole at 110 miles-per-hour, causing it to flip over multiple times before flying into a tree, a car driving at 10 mph, ignoring the 5 mph speed limit sign on the wall next to the cross walk, struck the banana peel Puck had left in the middle of the street. The car going twice the speed limit, lost control and swerved to the left, ironically enough while using a blinker. The out of control car collided with the poor shopping cart with an unquenchable thirst for blood and vengeance at the devastating speed of 2 mph. Puck turned around in time to see the accident.

What, scientifically speaking, should have sent the cart forward with the same force as the weak kick Puck had given the cart minutes earlier, oddly enough launched the cart at the speed of 200 mph directly at the man who never put his carts back in the corrals where they belong. Puck didn’t even have time to realize the error of his leaving-shopping-carts-in-the-middle-of-the-street ways, before the cart flew directly into his face, causing his head to explode like the 125,452nd watermelon destroyed by the great philosopher Gallagher, splattering blood all over a man walking past who had made the foolish mistake of wearing a white t-shirt over-confidant in his ability to avoid acquiring a stain, and sparking the obsession with blood of a three-year-old who was watching the whole scene unfold through a pair of binoculars from his parents’ house across the street.

Puck, the youngest son of Mother Mother the mother of Puck, and the youngest grandson of Mother the mother of Mother Mother the mother of Puck, was dead, though his story and misadventures wouldn’t end there. It was a tragic death. Nothing that has ever happened in human history has ever been more tragic than the death of Puck on that cloudy April day in the year of whatever year this is being read in. But don’t be sad—stop crying, society says it’s not cool to cry with empathy—for there was a sign that he had read thousands of times before that read: Please put your shopping cart up, we can’t afford another fatal accident. So, if it makes you feel any better, Puck kind of deserved it.

[thecomicsnexus]

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ADVENTURES #28-30 JANUARY - MARCH 1992 BY DEAN CLARRAIN (STEVEN MURPHY), CHRIS ALLAN, BRIAN THOMAS, JON D’AGOSTINO, ROD OLLERENSHAW AND BARRY GROSSMAN

SYNOPSIS (FROM COMIC VINE)

The issue opens with Splinter teaching the Turtles about Japanese mythology, where a male god named Izanagi is accompanied by a female god named Izanami, who watches as the male removes his eyes and creates the sun and the moon with them. Together, the two formed the Japanese islands.

The TMNT, Master Splinter and April have stowed away on a plane headed for the Land of the Rising Son. Leonardo asks April to reiterate her tale, and the reporter reluctantly agrees. O'Neil explains that she had been in Chinatown when she ran into Fu Sheng and Chu Hsi, and soon after ninjas had shown up and kidnapped Fu Sheng. Chu changed into the form of the Dragon and fought the ninjas, but they used a powder to knock him out and revert him to his human form - and then they took off with both Chu and Fu.

April and Splinter then began investigating Chinatown looking for clues, and eventually found some thugs involved in the kidnapping. When they began questioning one of the villains, strange ninjas dressed in white attacked them. April was shocked to discover that when the white ninjas were dealt a severe blow, they dissipated into a sorcerous vapor. After defeating the strange ninjas, the thug told April and the Sensei that Chu Hsi and Fu Sheng had been taken to Hiroshima, Japan. Just as her tale concludes, the plane begins its descent to the Japanese city.

Meanwhile, we see a youthful Japanese girl kidnapped by some ninjas garbed in black, who take her to a secret warehouse headquarters near the ocean. There, she meets a new villain, wearing a Samurai mask and calling himself Chien Khan. Khan states that the girl's soul will serve them well, when Fu Sheng interrupts and states that it is his soul that they seek. We then see that Chu is lying unconscious on a table, and Chien Khan states that he desires neither the old man's nor the young girl's soul - but that of the Warrior Dragon that resides in Chu Hsi - and he intends to get it, with the assistance of Fu!

Meanwhile, the TMNT and April scam their way out of a jam at the airport by convincing the securtity guards that they're American actors in costume. One of the guards recognizes April as a famous reporter and escorts our heroes to their "limousine." As soon as possible, everyone ducks into a sewer. Splinter announces that they'll need to look for clues topside once night falls, and the group heads to the east under the Sensei's orders. The TMNT are surprised to find that the sewers are newer than those of NYC, since they thought the Japanese city was older than their home, and Splinter explains that everything had to be rebuilt after the city was almost completely destroyed during World War II.

As they transverse the sewer, the group stumbles into a group of young men, who do not take kindly to the presence of our protagonists. Splinter attempts to negotiate a peaceful meeting...

Back at the docks, Chien Khan revels in his opportunity to appropriate the soul of the Warrior Dragon. The villain demands that Fu assist him and the old man refuses - until Khan threatens to kill the girl.

Unfortunately for the Turtles, as they try to negotiate safe passage through the sewer, a group of black-grabed ninjas attack the youths. Having started the fight, the ninja retreat to leave the battle to be fought between the TMNT and the young men, who think that the Turtles are "oni" (demons). The TMNT win the fight and move on, as there's no sight of the ninjas who had begun the struggle. Splinter states that they will go to the Peace Memorial at the heart of Hiroshima - the Sensei's comments are overheard by one of the ninjas, and he retreats to Chien Khan's headquarters and tells him the news. Khan tells Fu Sheng that his friends have arrived to try to help him - so the masked villain sends his most trusted warrior to defeat the Turtles - the fox named Ninjara.

The second issue begins with Master Splinter recounting his first hand experience witnessing the atomic bomb being dropped on Hiroshima back in 1945 (Note: TMNT Adventures utilizes the same origin for Splinter that was used in the cartoon, in that he was once a man named Hamato Yoshi as opposed to being the pet rat of Yoshi, as he was in the original comic book from Mirage). Our heroes have arrived at the Industrial Exhibition Hall, one of the few structures that withstood the force of the blast. It has been left in its decimated state to remind everyone of the horrors of war. Splinter reveals that this is the first time that he has seen the building since that fateful day in 1945.

The Sensei is interrupted as Ninjara arrives on the scene and a battle erupts between the TMNT and her sorcerous white ninja forces.

Back at the docks, Fu Sheng agrees to help Chien Khan if he promises not to harm the girl. The Khan agrees and then states that it has taken Ninjara many years to steal all of the artificats required to perform the ritual.

The Turtles continue to battle Ninjara as Fu Sheng prepares the transformation powder for Khan. The Warrior Dragon is released and is now under the control of Chien Khan, who sends him on a mission.

The TMNT are fairing well in the battle when the Warrior Dragon arrives on the scene. The Turtles notice that something is wrong with their friednd, so they hop on board to see what he's up to. Ninjara also manages to climb onto the Dragon, as she threatens to cut out Raph's heart.

At the warehouse, Fu Sheng admonishes and uncaring Chien Khan for ordering the Dragon to destroy a nearby nuclear power plant and use its power to open a gateway to a world of demons.

Chien Khan negotiates with a demon lord named Noi Tai Dar. Khan offers the souls of all mankind to the hellspawn, as he seeks vengeance against humanity and wishes to see them destroyed. Noi Tai Dar states that if Chien Khan will open a doorway for him, he will see it done. To open the passage, Khan must sacrifice a life and the Warrior Dragon must unleash the power of the nuclear power plant.

Meanwhile, the Dragon, under the control of Khan, begins to destroy the nuclear power plant. The TMNT attack their friend to try to stop him, to no avail. Ninjara is enraged when she discovers that the Warrior Dragon has been ordered to destroy the power plant - she is disgusted that Chien Khan would allow more radiation to foul Japan considering the bombing in 1945.

Chien Khan prepares the young girl for sacrifice while the damaged nuclear power plant opens the gateway for the massive demon. The hellspawn attacks the Dragon, who comes to his senses after being blasted by a bolt of energy. The mighty Warrior is dismayed at what his actions have caused.

Master Splinter tries to meditate to find a solution to their enormous problem as the Warrior Dragon attacks the demon. The Sensei notes that he feels another great presence nearby...

Leo asks Ninjara what Chien Khan has planned, and she reveals that the summoning requires both a power source and a sacrifice. Apparently Khan hasn't performed the sacrifice yet, as Noi Tai Dar is still tied to his power source - but once Khan completes his part of the ritual, the demon will be free to destroy all humanity. Leo determines that since the demon is too powerful for them to fight, they must stop Khan from making his sacrifice. Ninjara states that his headquarters are far from where they are, and Leonardo tells her that gives them all the more reason to hurry.

Master Splinter stays in his meditative state, noting that the spirits are coming closer... behind him, two gigantic forms begin to appear in the sky... it's none other than the gods, Izanagi and Izanami!

Fu Sheng breaks free of his bounds and smashes into Chien Khan, preventing him from sacrificing the girl.

Izanagi blasts Noi Tai Dar with a beam of light from his eyes and destroys the demon.

Chien Khan's helmet is knocked off by Fu Sheng's attack - revealing Khan to be a dog-faced man! Chien punches a shocked Fu Sheng in the face and then returns to his sacrifice, but the TMNT and Ninjara arrive in time to stop him. Khan is livid and calls Ninjara a traitor before ordering his henchmen to kill our heroes - but the villains are no much for the Turtles and their new foxy ally. Suddenly, the roof of the building is ripped apart by the Warrior Dragon, who has returned to save his friend Fu Sheng. The old man is fine, but Chien uses the distraction to strike Ninjara and make his escape.

Raph helps Ninjara to her feet, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief for another hard fought victory.

REVIEW

This story could have been a lot better had the characters been consistent all along. I am talking, of course, about Ninjara. Now, I know people hated the character back in the day, but here I am, reading these issues for the first time.

It is hard to understand her motivations, she is part of an ancient race of foxes, that allied herself with a dog-man that wanted to use demon to destroy humanity... but because the way to bring the demon required nuclear pollution, all of a sudden she is not ok with that. WTF?

And she joins the good guys right away.

The rest is a story that is not exactly that great, but it offers some background on Hamato Yoshi. He lived in Hiroshima when the bomb hit.

I give this story a score of 6.

[canonicallyanxious]

Reading Recap: March 2019

In an attempt to document my efforts in completing my New Year’s resolution of reading at least one book every two weeks, every month I’m going to be doing a brief write-up of the books I read to keep myself accountable and share this journey with you all.

In the month of March I read 7 books which again considering i spent half of this month in a depressed haze I think is not a bad turnout at all! And I really liked most of what I read this month! So overall I would consider this a smashing success! also this brings my total for the year up to 22 which is already quite close to my goal of 26 for the year sdkfjsndkfs do we think i’ll smash it in April or nah??

Anyway here are the books I read, alongside ratings out of 5 stars [5 for favorites; 1 for books I unreservedly dislike] and some of my thoughts:

Her Body and Other Parties - Carmen Maria Machado | 4.5/5

This collection of short stories is INCREDIBLE. I don’t really know how to describe it since it’s pretty genre-defying but I guess i’d sum it up as a collection of short stories that blend together horror, the surreal, and unapologetic queerness. The depiction of femininity and womanhood in this book is so complex and intense and at times grotesque, viscerally uncomfortable, and awfully poignant. Machado’s writing style is searing and poetic and this is just a really great fucking book. Favorite stories: Inventory, Especially Heinous

Crush - Richard Siken | 4/5

I don’t read a lot of poetry so this was my first real attempt this year to branch out and I think this was an amazing first choice. Reading this whole collection really makes your chest ache in the most exquisite way. I don’t have much smart to say about it bc I don’t know too much about poetry but the feelings captured in this book? Sublime. Favorite poems: The Torn-Up Road, You Are Jeff, Snow and Dirty Rain

Pulp - Robin Talley | 3.5/5

This is a book intertwining the stories of a girl in the fifties who writes a pulp lesbian novel and a girl in this decade who discovers this novel and tries to unravel the history behind it. I thought this was a really interesting look at queer history and how the stories of our elders inform our own stories, although I felt the writing sometimes fell a bit flat for me and the pacing especially towards the end was a bit underwhelming. It’s a good read, it just felt like there was something missing in it for me though I’m not quite sure what.

 The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - Michael Chabon | 5/5

This book. God, this book. It is a fucking tour de force. The deftness of Chabon’s hand as he navigates decades of the characters’ lives, the attention to detail, how believable Joe and Sam’s comic book creations feel, especially amidst the backdrop of real comic book superheroes - sometimes I almost forgot the Escapist wasn’t a real superhero in our own world! There’s this pervasive sense of loss and longing that pervades the entire book but it never becomes too heavy, and the end presents a small kernel of hope that somehow manages to make the rest of it feel so worth it.

More Happy Than Not - Adam Silvera | 4/5

This book is SAD. Despite multiple warnings and knowing that Adam Silvera tends to write Sad Books i was NOT PREPARED. Overall though I really enjoyed this read for the protagonist and the really clever stylistic choices Silvera made toward the end - really interesting and unique way to present a narrative, although also INCREDIBLY SAD.

Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit - Jeanette Winterson | 4/5

I thought this was a really fun read! Not necessarily because the subject material is that fun lol it’s the semi-autobiographical coming-of-age story of a queer woman who, as she grows older, struggles to reconcile her sexuality with her faith which, yeah, but there’s something about Winterson’s writing style that just pulls you right along. The relationship between the protagonist and her mother is wonderfully complex, Winterson does some really interesting things narrative-wise, and overall it’s a very engaging and thought-provoking read.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel | 4.5/5

I sort of feel like at this point I know what to expect from post-apocalyptic fiction. Yet this one seriously took me by surprise. I’m really, really impressed with the number of narratives Mandel managed to weave together to create one incredibly enthralling story. It feels like there’s so much to it even though it’s a relatively short read but it never feels too dense or quickly paced. I really like that the premise of the book hinges less on the actual details of the apocalypse and more on the emotional states of these characters, how everyone copes with it in a different way. An incredibly poignant read.

[wits-writing]

Earth’s Mightiest Retrospective Ep 27: “The Private War of Doctor Doom”

(Directed by Gary Hartle, Written by Christopher Yost, Original Airdate: April 1, 2012)

“The Private War of Doctor Doom” marks the beginning of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes season two and there are noticeable differences from the start. Season two went into production around the time Jeph Loeb became Executive Vice President of Marvel Television and starts being officially credited in the opening as one of the show’s executive producers. It’s not a big deal since much of the original creative team stayed on but may have to do with elements from the comics this season chooses to adapt. EMH’s animation quality gets cleaner this season while maintaining the show’s overall aesthetic. This episode begins by showing a “previously on…” segment of clips from season one recapping major story points, where such segments were absent from season one altogether. Though the most disappointing thing comes down to the show’s new title sequence. The opening visuals set to the high energy theme, “Fight As One” by Bad City, has been replaced with narration by Alex Désert as Nick Fury reciting the “And then there came a day unlike any other” speech followed by introducing the core members of the team. I don’t know why they felt the need to make that specific change, but their solution was weak.

Onto the actual content of the episode, it’s mainly concerned with building on the Avengers’ place in the wider world of this show. Doctor Doom’s involvement in this episode is the first thing established and uses him prepping to attack the Avengers as a chance to get us up to date on the lineup, namely that Thor’s still in Asgard and Hank Pym hasn’t been seen in a while. Whenever Doctor Doom shows up in a story, the Fantastic Four are sure to follow as the show finally gives characterization to its version of Marvel’s First Family. We get treated to two different Avengers/Fantastic Four hangouts at their respective bases. Ben Grimm, aka the Thing, and Johnny Storm, aka the Human Torch, arrive at Avengers Mansion for a friendly poker night with Hawkeye, Captain America, The Hulk and Black Panther. Though the term “friendly” can be applied looser when it comes to the Hulk in this scenario, since he starts a fight with the Thing any chance he gets (“Grimm’s just sore he’s never won a fight with me.”)

Along with the hotheaded Johnny and gruff Ben, the other half of the FF are similarly on-point in their personalities. Seen when Wasp and Iron Man, using an older suit of armor since he didn’t get to keep the Asgardian one, get to the Baxter Building to catchup with Sue Storm, aka the Invisible Woman, and Reed Richards, aka Mister Fantastic. The time spent at the Baxter Building plays around with the differences between Janet and Tony’s worldviews. Each of them takes the chance to describe their adventures in Asgard.

Tony discusses how he’s certain he’ll be able to quantify magic from now on thanks to his observations in that realm to an absentminded Reed, more focused on researching ways to restore Ravonna from her time stasis. He says he has all the proof he needs that it’s simply another kind of science. Tony manages to get his old friend’s attention by making a pass about how he might talk to Sue about it. Reed responds to mention how distant Sue’s been with him recently. Janet’s attitude about the trip contrasts against Tony’s as she energetically raves to Sue about how amazing it was to witness real magic, highlighting how she got to ride a flying horse through space.

Any pleasantries at both bases come to a halt when they’re all attacked by Doombots. There’s not much to remark on about how either fight plays out except how Hulk still can’t resist messing with the Thing throughout, at one point using the other hero as a human club on the machines. There’s more to note in how the heroes at both bases can’t put together Doom’s motive. Black Panther notes how the attack feels like a move made in desperation, which is apparently unusual for the tyrant. While his motives remain unclear, the results become apparent when they realize the bots kidnapped Jan and Sue. The two are swiftly taken to Doom’s castle in his nation of Latveria, where they’re put in a machine that scans them for something. The rest of the heroes from both teams are left to figure out how to get their friends back without starting an international incident on Doom’s sovereign territory.

The answer ends up being that they nearly cause exactly that, as Doom’s able to sniff out their attempts at stealth and distraction almost immediately. How well Doom’s unflappability gets portrayed this episode makes me happy, since Doctor Doom’s one of my favorite supervillains. He doesn’t have time for anyone’s snarky banter, puts his vast resources to use fighting the heroes and no-sells a punch from the Hulk. The fight of the Avengers and Fantastic Four against him ends abruptly with him telling them he already has what he needs, freeing Janet and Susan. He lets them leave to wonder what he was after in the first place, since he’s not the type to concede a fight.

Turns out he got exactly what he wanted when we’re shown the results of the scans he was doing earlier, revealing Sue Storm’s yet another person replaced with a Skrull infiltrator. This secret invasion will be one of the major arcs of season two with most of its details building in the background. That kind of slow build-up gets to occur among the Avengers with the Skrull that replaced Captain America, henceforth to be referred to as “Skrull-Cap” in future recaps for clarity until Steve returns. Skrull-Cap asks a lot of leading questions about the state of the world, like what’s Doctor Doom’s deal and the capabilities of the Fantastic Four. Though the other heroes brush off these questions, assuming they’re a byproduct of the Captain’s misplacement in the modern day. The infiltrator also gets differentiated from the real Cap with a costume redesign that evokes the Ultimate Marvel version of the character rather than the classic suit.

This episode makes a strong start for the new season by giving a better sense of the casual lives the heroes lead among each other, giving a classic Marvel villain a well-presented highlight, and serving as a reminder for where the meta-plot is heading. Season two of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes marks the beginning of where my recollections of the season before this re-watch start getting hazier, so getting something strong on superhero action and casual characterization made a great way to begin the second half of these retrospectives.

Next time, the remnants of AIM go after Tony Stark.

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